


When A Rainbow Disappears

by sailor_silvimoon



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:59:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 42,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4296873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailor_silvimoon/pseuds/sailor_silvimoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was strong, but even he couldn’t take what was constantly thrown at him. Hurt beyond words, Tony finally had enough. Slight crossover with NCIS LA and HAWAII FIVE-O. WARNING: SLASH</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Don't own NCIS or Hawaii Five-O, but I do own my OC's
> 
> AN/ Some spoilers to various episodes. The time frame is different though. For the sake of the story, the episodes are mixed, they don't go by the order as the show. Tony works for Gibbs for twelve years, Kate has been dead for ten. Some other differences as well.
> 
> WARNING: SLASH

It has been three hard weeks and Tony felt he was about to snap. Every year, for the last decade, this time of the year had been hard for him. The painful memories, even the happy ones, and the pain of the lose of a loved-one pushed him on his knees. Everything he was carefully keeping locked down, deep down in his heart threatened to spill over. He was well aware he was cracking. Like a dam that will soon be overflowed. Every case they had was another thing he had to burry inside. Not for the first time he felt like he was suffocating here. He was tired. Tired of how lonely he felt. Tired of the constant feeling of abandonment in his heart. Maybe it was time for him to leave. 

He refused the memories, or the feelings that accompanied them, come to the surface. Memories of the blood on his face when Kate, sweet Kate, was killed. Memories of Paula. Her sacrifice to save the rest of them. Memories of Jenny's lifeless body lying in an abandoned bar in the middle of a nowhere. He failed her too. Memories of the time Gibbs got blown up on that damn ship, lost his memories after waking up from the coma and then left to Mexico. Feelings of abandonment, hurt and betrayal. The words 'You'll do' haunted him. And when Gibbs returned, he found his stuff in the box on his former desk like they were trash. HE felt like trash in that moment. 

He saw the smug expressions on both Ziva and Tim. Their glee of the way he was demoted. Feelings of how he wasn't good enough. Not as a team leader, not as a partner, not as a friend, not as a lover. For months he was constantly reminded by everyone how he wasn't Gibbs. He buried all that deep deep down, focusing all of him on the work. Work kept him sane, because without it...He was nothing. And if he was nothing, what was the reason for him to live? 

When Gibbs returned from his hiatus in Mexico, Tony was ecstatic. He welcomed him with a smile, but that smile soon vanished when he saw nothing but coldness in those blue eyes he loved. Gibbs was back. But not because of him. Because he, Tony, needed him. Needed his guidance, needed him...the person he fell for. No, he returned because Ziva, the partner who was supposed to trust him, didn't. She didn't trust he was able to help her. Then again, maybe it was his fault. His fake frat boy persona everyone bought.

He felt old. Drained. Tired. He didn't know who Anthony DiNozzo was anymore. Maybe his true self died that day. With her. His surrogate sister. Kate. The one that left was the shell of the man he used to be. The fake. The joker. The clown. And no one realized it. 

It didn't feel like home, not anymore. People who he thought were his surrogate family, weren't. He learned that the hard way. After twelve years. More than once. Usually, he got itchy feet after two years in the same place, but when he met Gibbs everything changed. He changed. And now, he was forced, by his team, but mostly by himself, to find another place. Maybe he should've accepted the offer to Rota when Jenny, proposed to him. Before she died. Before he was reassigned as an Agent Afloat for the whole six months. 

He remembered the last time he broke down. Almost a year ago. He found a true friend then. And it surprised him.

FLASHBACK

Everything happened so fast he couldn't even track the events anymore. First, the look of hurt and betrayal on Jeanne's face when he told her who he really was. Then his car got blown up. Thankfully, he wasn't in it. It gave him a little satisfaction when he punched Kort in the face. But then he looked at the faces of his teammates. He could easily read the shock, hurt and betrayal written all over them. Seeing the same expression directed at him, twice in the same day, broke his heart. But, he didn't let them see it. Didn't let them see how it affected him. He HAD to lie to them. Why couldn't they see that? Why couldn't they see or understand how hard it was for him to do that? No, they only thought of how they felt betrayed by him. But what about how he felt betrayed by them? Felt that way for months. No one thought about that. Instead of showing them his true feelings, he pushed his own hurt away and hid it under a fake smile and asked gleefully.

''What? No balloons?''

/

The guilt, and the feeling how he failed yet another person tormented him. Jenny was dead because of him. Because he was following her orders to stay behind while she... Part of him knew he should have been close, after all he and Ziva were her security while they were in L.A. But, the other part didn't want to get involved in another of her messes. Didn't want to be screwed all over again. And so, he stayed behind, didn't want to believe his gut that something bad would happen. And Jenny got killed. 

Gibbs' look 'How could you let this happen' almost crippled him. He failed her. He failed him. Again. For a moment, instead of Jenny, he saw Kate. Felt her blood on his face. He failed her too.

/

For the second time in his life he tried to drown his emotions in alcohol. The first time being the day Kate died. Although, he was alone at that time. This time, he found a friend.

When they returned in D.C., after he wrote his report, he went to a bar and stayed there ordering a shot after a shot. He wanted to forget. Wanted to numb his feelings. Wanted to lose himself. But not in another nameless body. No, that got old a long time ago. He couldn't find satisfaction in sex anymore. The substitutes for the one he really wanted. The one he needed. The one he loved. 

The one who didn't love him back. 

When he woke up, he noticed he was lying on a couch in an unfamiliar house. Groaning as he tried to sit, he noticed a bottle of water and two Aspirin pills on the coffee table. 

''You will have a killer headache. Call in sick for today.'' A familiar voice said behind him and he looked at the source.

''Fornell. What...? Where...? How...'' Tony stammered, not knowing how he ended up there.

Then, the memories came back. The alcohol... The tears... The breakdown...

''I saw you in the bar last night. You could barely sit straight.'' Fornell explained, deciding not to mention the breakdown he witnessed. Nor the secrets the young man kept hidden. ''Thought it would be for the best if I take you home. For your own good. This is my house. You're welcome to stay for the rest of the day, or for however time you need.''

''Thank you.'' Tony said after a moment and looked at the FBI agent in the eyes. ''I appreciate the offer and I think I will take it. Don't want to be alone right now.'' He whispered the last part, hating how lonely and empty he felt.

''You do know that my offer to join the FBI still stands, do you?'' Fornell asked, sounding casual.

''I do.'' Tony answered and closed his eyes, biting back the tears that threatened.

He didn't saw the surprised look on the older man, because every time he offered, Tony would categorically decline. They were both aware that this time that wasn't the case. And after Tony told him everything in his drunken state, Tobias Fornell knew the reason why. And he also knew he had to do something for the young man sitting on the couch before it would be too late.

/

When he got to work two days after, he knew something was about to happen. And he was right. Leon Vance, who was now, officially, the new Director, gave his first order and split the team apart. 

END OF THE FLASHBACK

/

He was reassigned as Agent Afloat. First on the USS Ronald Reagan, and then on the Seahawk. One bad decision caused him to lose the only family he had for the last twelve years. Even though, the sense of a family was lost a long time ago.

He was alone again. 

Since Gibbs barely spoke to him since he found out about his undercover assignment, he collected his stuff from his desk in silence, and without a second glance, started walking away. Then, he heard a voice. And a promise.

''You all are my team. We will be back together again.''

He turned around and looked at Gibbs. And felt hope rising in his heart.

The rest of his day Tony spend packing and paying the bills for at least six months ahead, not knowing when he would be back. He didn't know what to do, where to go. Part of him wanted to quit. Quit and leave. But the other part knew this was his punishment. It was his fault Jenny was dead. Gibbs' words still ringed in his mind and the anger he felt toward Vance and himself, subdued for a bit.

Yes, Gibbs will get him back. He just had to believe in that.

Suddenly, he heard a knock on his door and frowned. He wasn't expecting any company, and after receiving the news about his departure, wasn't in the mood for one. Sighing, he opened the door and his eyes went wide.

''Pizza and a six-pack.'' The man said and entered after Tony took a step back, letting him in.

''Comfort food, Fornell?'' Tony snickered.

''Looks like you need it.''

''Thanks. Have a seat. Let me get the stuff we need.''

They ate in silence, only the sound of Jazz music playing silently in the background. When they were done, Tony threw the boxes in the trash and returned to the living room. He was nursing the beer in his hand, then spoke after a minute.

''Thank you.''

''You're welcome. So, how are you holding up?'' Fornell asked, looking at the young agent sitting next to him.

''I don't know. Angry, disappointed, sad, uncertain, confused. Take your pick.'' Tony sighed.

''Everything will work out. You just have to believe in that.''

''I will try. It is the least what I deserve. He should've fired me.'' Tony said knowing Fornell would know of whom he was talking about.

''He knows how good of an agent you are and I don't want to hear you saying otherwise. You need to be somewhere to clear your head, Tony. Vance knows that. It is not your fault Jenny was killed. It was her choice. Her mess from her past. She would've find a way to escape you. You were following orders.''

''It doesn't change the fact she is dead.'' Tony snapped.

''Look, I know how stubborn you can be and no matter what I say you won't believe it, so why don't you go to bed and sleep it over. I will take the couch and drive you tomorrow. And just because it is you, you will get there in style. In a FBI chopper. You have to be on USS Reagan by ten, right?''

''How do you know that?'' Tony asked, surprised, after he rolled his eyes hearing how he would travel.

''I'm a Federal Agent, DiNutso.'' Fornell smirked, deliberately misspeaking Tony's last name, causing Tony to relax and roll his eyes. Again. ''I know everything.''

''Sure you do.'' Tony smirked back. ''Let me get you a pillow and a blanket.'' After sizing the man in front of him, he added. ''I think I even have a pajama that would fit you.''

''You own a pajama?'' Fornell asked jokingly and his eyes went wide as if he was in shock.

''Yes. For guests like you. I sleep naked.'' Tony answered with a smile and wiggling his eyebrows.

''Didn't need to know that.'' Fornell scoffed and Tony laughed.

The friendly banter and Tony's laugh was a surprise for both men, and the older agent realized how much he missed to hear that sound.

/

''Be careful out there.'' Fornell said, as they were standing on the dock.

''I will. I promise.'' Tony said, touched hearing the concern in Fornell's voice.

He couldn't help but look around, hoping to see one person he needed to see the most. The person who he hoped would come and see him before he left. When the realization that the silver-haired man with blue eyes decided not to come finally settled in, his eyes filled with tears, and Fornell's heart broke when he noticed the pain in Tony's green eyes.

''It's his loss.'' Fornell said firmly and pulled the young man into his embrace. ''Emily will expect postcards and presents from her 'big brother'.''

''And she shall receive them.'' Tony chocked out. ''Give her a big kiss from me.'' And with that, he took his bag and walked toward the ship that will be his home for the next few months.

''I'm sorry, Tony. But this is for your own good.'' Tobias Fornell whispered as he watched the man who became a part of his family, son he never had, walk away.

FLASHBACK

Tobias Fornell left his most precious thing, his daughter Emily, in the hands of the young agent, knowing she would be safe. When he started the car he sighed and dialed the number.

''It's me. I need to see you right now. It is a matter of importance. Can I come to your home?''

''All right. You're always welcome here.'' The man on the other line said and ended the call.

/

Tobias knocked and smiled at the woman who opened the door. ''Jackie.'' He greeted.

''Tobias.'' Jackie smiled too and let him in. ''Leon is in his study. You know the way. Coffee will be there in a few moments.''

''Thank you.'' 

''Tobias.'' Leon Vance stood up and extended his hand to the newcomer who took it and they shake.

''Leon, I need a favor to ask of you. As a friend and as a college. It's about DiNozzo.'' Tobias said, getting straight to the point.

''I know.'' Leon sighed, then looked at the older man questionably. ''Since you came here, I have a feeling something is wrong.''

''Yes. You know how I feel about him. He is like a son to me. He is one of the best agent I ever met and Emily adores him. True, we had our differences in the past, but... Yesterday I saw him drinking like there was no tomorrow and it frightened me. He is worn out. And it is not only because of Jenny. You have to send him away from here. At least for the time being. He has to clear his head. Otherwise... I'm afraid he will snap. Big time.''

Leon quietly listened then sighed when Tobias finished ''I know. I saw it in his eyes when we processed the bar where Jenny was killed. Saw that look a few times. I know everything what has been going on here. SecNav told me to come in D.C. months ago and observe from the distance. He wanted to fire Jenny as soon as he found out she was using DiNozzo for her own revenge, but...''

''But he wanted Renee Benoit more. You don't have to tell me that. I'm well aware of that.'' Tobias interrupted him. ''So, if you know everything, what will you do about it?''

''I can offer him his own team.'' Leon suggested.

''He won't accept it. He turned down Rota when Jenny offered it to him.'' Tobias shook his head.

''So, what do you think I should do then?''

''There is an opening as an Agent Afloat on USS Ronald Reagan and Seahawk. It will be good for him. He will be away from Gibbs and the rest of them. And maybe, just maybe, if he is away from them, they will open their eyes and see what they lost. Like I said, it is not just Jenny.'' Tobias said, a bit harshly that didn't surprise Leon one bit. They had similar conversations a few times before.

''Do you really think that is a good idea, Tobias?'' Jackie asked, entering with the tray in her hands and putting it on the desk. ''They are a family. Separating them like that...''

''They haven't been a family for a long time, Jackie. Have you forgotten the way they treated him? He needs to get away from them. Especially from Gibbs.'' Tobias snapped, then looked at Jackie apologetically. ''I'm sorry.''

''It's okay.'' Jackie waved her hand. ''What happened last night?''

''I can't tell you what he told me in confidence, but you have to take my word for this. He needs to get away.'' Tobias answered.

''Okay. I will do it. I just hope it is the right thing to do and that we're not making a mistake.'' Leon agreed, then added. ''This will sound a bit calculated but... we may have a mole in the NCIS. It is already down on three possible persons. They will become Gibbs' new team. Maybe he will find out who.''

''Not calculated one bit.'' Tobias snickered, and Jackie rolled her eyes.

END OF THE FLASHBACK

/

He was back. Back as part of the team. Strangely, he felt nothing. He was numb. To everything. He DID feel relief when Gibbs told him to pack his things, that he was no longer Agent Afloat, but that was about it. He pushed all his feelings away. The love he still, unfortunately, felt for Gibbs, the anger, resentment, the pain, the hurt... He was good in that department. He felt nothing...He WAS nothing. After all, throughout all his life he had been told that. With words, with actions. He tried not to believe in that, but sometimes, sometimes it was hard not to.

Truth to be told, those six months away from everything and everyone, especially Gibbs and the rest of his team, did help in some way. It cleared his head. He no longer felt responsible for Jenny's death. Well, one small part still did, but...it was a start. 

He no longer felt he would break. That night, when Fornell found him, was the last time he had that amount of alcohol in his system, and he didn't want to repeat that. Ever again. Alcohol never helped and he would rather eat a bullet from his own gun than end up like his father. 

He was calmer, professional, quiet. He lived in his own world of illusion, without feelings. In solitude. Part of him was surprised that none of his teammates thought it was strange for him to behave like that, but then again, no one truly saw him. The real him. No one saw through his fake smile. No one cared. As long as he was on time and did his job. And that was fine with him. At least, that was what he was trying to convince himself.

It worked. For a while. Then everything started crashing down. He started cracking. But this time, he was powerless to do anything. It became harder and harder pushing everything back. Pushing his feelings away. His world, his false illusion, slowly started to disappear. Like a rainbow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some spoilers to various episodes. Mostly the beginning of season 5. The time frame is different though. For the sake of the story, the episodes are mixed, they don't go by the order as the show. Tony works for Gibbs for twelve years, Kate has been dead for ten. Some other differences as well. (Such as Kate dying in November and her buried in D.C.) Mentioning of Tony/Kate.

It was strange how the past had the tendency to catch up to you. And kick you when you're down. He was back in D.C. for over a month now, and the first two weeks were relatively fine. He was feeling fine. Those six months away gave him new perspective, a new look at things. Even though he was hurt. But he dealt with that emotion the way he always did. He pushed everything down. Refused to dwell on it. Buried himself in work.

He talked with Gibbs only a couple of times while he was away, and it was always about work. Professional and cold. However, sometimes he thought he saw a flick of emotions in Gibbs' blue eyes, but it was probably his own wishful thinking. He got more calls from Fornell and Emily. And Abby, via emails. Even Vance. Asking how he was. Okay, he was aware they couldn't talk privately with everyone listening, but... A word of encouragement or that he was missed...was he asking too much? Then he realized. They didn't want him back. They didn't need him. They weren't a family. And it hurt. Gibbs' last words, his promise, held no weight. Not anymore. 

The first two months he held tight on them, like a drowning man to a straw, but as days, weeks, months passed, he knew. He recognized them as they were. An empty promise. McGee was the first one who returned back to the team. Then Ziva. But him? He stayed on the ship for additional three and a half months. And it hurt. He felt abandoned and alone again. Betrayed by the only family he knew for years.

He was surprised when he was called to the communication room and saw Vance on the screen. Three days after they sailed from the port. He tried to hide his shock, but judging by the slight smirk on the Director's face, he was certain he didn't do it well. They talked about how he was adjusting and about his health. Vance even gave him some pointers about how to deal with stubborn sailors. Good advices, as he learned later. And those calls were frequent. Once a week. By the fourth call, he was already used to them. 

Most people would took his new post as an Agent Afloat as a promotion, but for him, it was a penance, a punishment for letting Jenny be killed. Even among 5000 sailors on the ship, he felt all alone. When he confessed that to Vance, he was surprised the Director categorically denied it. When he asked why he send away like he was, Vance told him he needed it. He needed to get away. From everything and everyone. And part of him understood. He was worn out. He was surprised Vance recognized it as well. Recognized the signs.

Seeing Fornell and Emily on that screen was like a balm to a wound. When they docked the first time, he got out and bought post cards and a new laptop so he could talk privately with them on Skype. Every time Emily would call him 'big brother' brought tears to his eyes. He felt wanted. He felt loved. He was a part of their family. Maybe there was hope for him yet.

/

The beginning of November brought him back into his melancholy state. Like it did every year. He wasn't surprised no one noticed the pattern. But, they forgot about her a long time ago. It was the first place he visited since he came back. Then he spend the weekend with Fornell and Emily who welcomed him with open arms. Every day, before coming to work, he would get up early and went to the one place where he could be himself. Where he could talk to the one person he was certain was listening. Even though she could no longer talk back. He would put one white lily flower, her favorite one, on the marble grave and spoke what ever was on him mind. Or he would be silent, caressing the letters on the gravestone.

Caitlin Todd

He still felt guilt because it was her who was dead. It should've been him. He had no one, she had a family. He was dark, she was light. He knew that that guilt would never go away. True, they bickered all the time, but it was harmless. They had a rocky start but with time he lowered his guard and let her see him. The real him. And he never regretted it.

FLASHBACK

It was after a one bad case they had. A woman raped and murdered in her own house. When they got to the crime scene, it was awful. Never before had they seen that much hate. She was cuffed to the bed posts, legs and arms stretched and wide open, beaten and stabbed multiple times. Tony couldn't wait for Ducky to cover her up. They worked in silence, taking pictures and looking for clues. When they finally found the murderer, her lover, they found out he killed her because she wouldn't leave her husband for him. The amount of drugs in his system didn't help.

Tony was on his way to be really drunk when Kate found him and she took him home. It was the first time he cried in front of someone. He told her how it reminded him of his mother's death. Kate held him in her arms and whispered calm words in his ear. No one but her knew the real story of his life, and he felt relief he could talk to someone. She was horrified when she found out, but after that night, she was always there for him when he needed her. And he was there when she needed him. True, Gibbs knew a lot, but not everything. He was certain he wouldn't be able to take the pity in the blue eyes of the man he cared for, his friend, his mentor. Because if Gibbs knew of the horrors of his childhood, the pity would certainly be there. And he couldn't take that risk.

The first, and only, kiss they shared surprised both of them. They didn't know how it happened. One moment they were looking at each other, the next, their lips collided. There was no passion, no chemistry. Mostly curiosity. After that, they decided never to speak of it. They loved and cared about each other, but it was more like a brother - sister relationship. And they were fine with that. She was the only one he confessed how his feelings for Gibbs started to change.

It was around the time when they were working on the Wuss case. When he realized he kissed a guy instead of a woman. The moment he learned who Amanda truly was, he wiped his lips in disgust. He kissed a guy. And he couldn't help the thought that he somehow cheated on Gibbs. That the only male lips he wanted to taste were Gibbs'. 

He was confused and angry with himself and everyone else. Kate's jokes when they finished the reports didn't help. He came to her that night to talk, to try to understand, and the only thing she said was that she saw the signs. Saw the way he sometimes looked at Gibbs, saw how he always tried to please him. He didn't even realize he was doing that. Since he didn't want to lose the job, lose the respect, lose the family he created, he decided not to do anything. He decided to push away that feeling away.

END OF THE FLASHBACK

''Ten years, Kate. Ten years and I still miss you.'' He said to the grave, tears in his eyes.

/

On his way to work, he stopped for a coffee when he realized where he was. Not far from the coffee shop was Jeanne's house. On a whim, he decided he would go and see her. They hadn't talked since he told her the truth about who he really was, that he was just using her to get close to her father, and then everything happened with Jenny and he had to leave. Rene Benoit was still out there, somewhere. He felt relief when he found the house empty. She was gone. All of her stuff was gone. The only thing that was left behind was a note. For him.

Yes, the past had a tendency to catch up to you. The note she left for him haunted him for two whole days. When he got to work, dealing with the cold cases, the note was in his pocket. It felt like a brick of stone around his ankle, pulling him down. No one noticed his distress. But, that was only because his face gave nothing away. He buried himself in work, looking for clues, eyes glued to the computer screen. Sure, he noticed and felt eyes on him, but he didn't care. They weren't family, they didn't need to know. Didn't deserve to know. 

Emotions he tried to push away, tried to hide, fought back. He started wondering when he would he finally snap. He missed Kate. He needed someone he could talk to. Gibbs was out of question, even if he knew some of his deepest thoughts. But the betrayal, the anger, the hurt he felt at this moment toward the silver-haired man, was stronger. Stronger than love. He didn't want to bother Fornell with his demons.

He only had to wait until next year. Everything would be alright when this painful, for him, time of year passed. Little did he know it would only get worse.

It seemed like every case they had was designed to break him. Bit by bit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers to some episodes: 05x02 Family, 05x03 Ex-File, 05x06 Chimera, 02x22 SWAK, 08x07 Broken Arrow. For the sake of the story, the episodes are mixed, they don't go by the order as the show, but as I've listed them. Tony works for Gibbs for twelve years, Kate has been dead for ten. 
> 
> Enjoy, it's a long one!
> 
> WARNING: SLASH

Tony silently walked into the bullpen, noticing he was the first one to arrive. Well, second, since Gibbs' computer was turned on, but there was no sign of him. 'Probably went for his coffee.' He thought gloomily. After powering his own computer, he just sat there, looking at nothing, then he pulled the note he found in Jeanne's house and just stared at it. Memories, regrets, and buried feelings twirled inside him. 

In an instant, everything came back to him. All the lies he had said. Even though Jenny understood how he felt, seeing how hard it was for him that Gibbs had left and the way his teammates treated him with disrespect, not trusting in his leadership, sometimes he hated her for putting him in that position. 

He remembered how, one night, when he was all alone in the bullpen, doing his own, McGee's and Ziva's paperwork, practically dead on his feet, Jenny sat next to him and he confessed everything. He told her about him and Gibbs being together. He confessed how betrayed and hurt he was feeling with Gibbs' leaving. How angry, sad, lonely and tired he was feeling because of his teammates attitude toward him. He had to tell someone, take a load of his heart. She was a good listener, even though she was surprised. No, she was shocked.

He couldn't suppress the tears, and when she noticed that, she hugged him and told him that her door was always open for him whenever he needed to talk. 

Was it because of that strange connection he accepted the assignment she offered to him? Because he felt he owed it to her for being there for him? An assignment that produced nothing but pain for everyone?

A liar. 

He had to seduce Jeanne and make her fall for him. And because he was good in his undercover, she did. He tried to love her, tried to look at her as someone who could fill the emptiness in him, but... It never happened. So he kept lying. To both her and his team. 

***I'm not coming back. You have to choose.***

Yes, he was good in undercover assignments, he was good playing the part of someone else. But, hurting her... it felt wrong somehow. She was an innocent. And he was a liar and a bastard. He tried to separate Tony DiNozzo and Tony DiNardo, but sometimes, sometimes it was hard to find the line between them. He needed guidance. He needed Gibbs. But he wasn't there. He was left alone. He was left by a man he trusted the most. And it hurt. He felt betrayed.

/

A couple of minutes later he noticed the arrival of Ziva an McGee and murmured a 'Good morning' to them. It didn't feel good. He was tired, angry, sad... Like every day, he visited Kate's grave before coming to work and noticed how the date of her death was coming closer. Ten years. But to him, it was as if it happened yesterday. He looked around. None one of them seemed to remember. They carried on with their lives. He was the only one stuck in the past. 

Loosing himself in the memories of a happier time once again, he didn't notice the worried looks thrown his way from his teammates or the hard grip Gibbs had on his cup. 

If he had only looked up toward Gibbs, he would've seen how those piercing blue eyes mirrored his own. He would've seen deep sadness and despair. He would've know that he wasn't the only one hurting in silence.

/

Tony sat there, by the lit fireplace, trying to get warm and stop shivering. Trying not to cough. In his hand was the note, the last letter from Jeanne, her last words, making him choose. Lifting his head, he looked around and couldn't help the irony of what he saw. In one corner, on his right, was a married couple who just got their baby back. It represented the possible future he could have had with Jeanne. And in the other corner was his team. Gibbs, Ziva, McGee. 

Gibbs. 

For a moment he felt he didn't belong in there. He felt like an outcast. He felt rejected. Just like he felt when he found out he was the only one who wasn't invited to Ziva's party. The physical pain from the wound in his arm was nothing compared to the emotional pain he felt in that moment. The fact that Gibbs didn't even question his absence... the fact that he, the man who knew him better than anyone, failed to see the hurt in his eyes...

They would be just fine without him. They didn't need him. He didn't need him.

Pain surged through him clenching his broken heart like an iron fist, and he forced back the tears that threatened. No, he couldn't fall apart now. Not when everyone was here. He would break in the comfort of his lonely apartment, all alone. He was sure of that. The 'DiNozzo's don't cry' mantra was long forgotten. But then again, he was never a good DiNozzo. He lost count of how many times he had broken down and cried his eyes out.

Once again he looked at the happy family on his right and frowned. No, he would never have that. He was destined to be forever alone. Or, in the gutter, like his father once said. Then he felt eyes on him and his head turned toward the source. Gibbs. His blue, piercing, steely eyes that looked at him in a way as if he was trying to get into his soul, somehow managed to warm his heart. Hope started to form and without a second thought Tony threw the letter into the fire, watching it burn. 

In reality, he already made his choice. A long time ago. He chose Gibbs. He would always choose Gibbs. No matter what. He knew he was trying to love someone else, but in the end, his heart would always belong to the man with silver hair and piercing blue eyes. 

He felt hurt when Gibbs wasn't even worried when he was all wet, thanks to the security sprinkles in the yard of the house where they were looking for clues for the missing baby. And it was cold outside. Everyone knew about his scarred lungs and how being wet outside in that weather could be harmful for him, but no one cared. However, he pushed the resentment away. He desperately wanted to hold on to that small spark of hope in his heart. Hope that maybe, just maybe, Gibbs could love him back.

/

Then there was a case where Gibbs' old lover, Colonel Hollis Mann, was in the middle of it. He saw there was still a spark between them. The jealousy he felt almost overwhelmed him, but he pushed that feeling away as well. He had no right over Gibbs. Even if they were occasionally sleeping together. He suspected that their secret trysts, for Gibbs, was just physical, but for him... He loved him. More than anyone. More than anything. He tried to show him how he felt with every touch, with every kiss, but never voiced his feelings out. Why should he? They had sex after a hard case, needing to be lost in the pleasure. Needing to forget. Part of him understood, but with each time, his heart broke, piece by piece.

He wondered when it started to be just sex. Because, a long time ago, he was certain of that, he felt loved. 

Truth was, their last tryst was two days before Gibbs got blown up and lost his memory. After that, Gibbs left for Mexico, returning after four months. Then Jenny was killed and he was send to be Agent Afloat for six months. 

'Oh, God.' Tony thought in shock. 'I haven't had sex for almost a year.' Well, if you forget stroking himself with his own hand every night, thinking of his lover and screaming Gibbs' name when the release finally came.

/

He wasn't that surprised no one noticed how quiet and formal he became. He learned a long time ago he was nothing. That he meant nothing. It was drilled into his mind since he was just a little boy. No one cared. Not about him, not about his feelings. He was here only to do his job. And nothing more. They weren't friends. They weren't a family. And it hurt. Each night before he went to sleep, sometimes plagued with nightmares, he asked himself would tomorrow be the day when he finally had enough. How much betrayals and hurt could he take?

/

He almost broke down when they were doing a case that led them on aboard USNS Chimera, a top-secret naval research ship that was sailing in the middle of the ocean. He had a bad feeling when they boarded the ship finding it abandoned. He had to push down the sudden anger when McGee and Ziva started making fun of his fear of rats. Couldn't they understand his point of view? In an instant, memories of how he almost died from the plague assaulted his mind. The fight to breathe... something everyone took for granted. He couldn't... he wouldn't, go through that again. 

His fear doubled when Ducky told them that Takada died from viral hemorrhagic fever and that they have been exposed to it. That if his diagnosis was correct, they would be dead by morning. And then he just had to do something stupid. With Abby's help, via the link, he was doing the blood analysis and he sniffed the drop of blood and liquid he had put on a slide, just before Abby told him not to. One would’ve thought that after the SWAK episode when he inhaled the y-pestis powder, he would've been careful with unknown things, since he almost died that time, but then again, he was Tony DiNozzo. He was always curious, even as a kid. And there is that old saying that was made for him: 'curiosity killed the cat'.

But, even though, now, he was scared as hell, he couldn't help but remember that day, ten years ago. The day he saw Gibbs' cock for the first time. The day when they first kissed. The day they did more than kiss. He couldn't help but remember how his own body reacted.

FLASHBACK

They were taking their showers as a part of bio-attack procedure, throwing ideas what the white powder could be. Hoping it could be something innocent, and not all those diseases McGee numbered, Tony stated it could be Honey Dust, something that he liked to give to girls at Christmas time. The fact he send it to Gibbs a year before, he hoped would remain a secret. His own dirty secret. Unfortunately, as it turned out, that wasn't his day, because Gibbs revealed that he knew about Honey Dust since he received the whole box last Christmas, but without a card. Knowing Kate would know it was a deliberate move on his part (she teased him when they were in Bethesta hospital when they were left alone for the night), he stated it was probably the post's office screw up, hoping Gibbs would buy it. Since the ex-Marine didn't comment, Tony let out a breath he was holding. Crisis averted.

Tony heard two showers shutting down on his left side, and instantly knew Gibbs and him were alone. Curious, and a little aroused by the fact Gibbs was naked, with only a wall separating them, he tiptoed and peaked. He was impressed and couldn't stop the shiver that ran through him seeing Gibbs' lean, firm and muscular body. For a man in his forties, Gibbs was in a great shape. He couldn't understand why he chose to hide it underneath those baggy clothes. Thankfully, the ex-Marine had his back turned so he couldn't see him ogling. He didn't even realize when his hand went down and started stroking his hard and aroused cock. His eyes darkened with lust and his breath caught when Gibbs slightly moved, giving him an excellent view of his member. There was no way in hell he could look away from that beautiful sight. Even if he lost his job over this if Gibbs realized and looked toward him, it would be worth it. His hand tightened as he stroked himself harder, eyes glued on the man in front of him. The next second he gave a startled yelp hearing a voice.

''See something you like?''

/

Being a Marine for years, Gibbs had developed a sense to know when he was being watched. Usually, it send cold shivers down his spine, but this time, he felt warmth. Since he heard two showers shutting down he knew it was Tony who was left alone with him. Part of him hoped the young man would make a move, because frankly, he was tired of the not so hidden looks, although he suspected Tony thought so. Deciding to give him an opportunity, he slightly turned around, giving Tony a perfect view. As he continued soaping his body, he kept his eyes partly closed, and noticed the lust in the green eyes he loved since the moment they met in Baltimore.

He got instantly hard noticing Tony's hand moving in a, oh so, familiar way. His lips quirked up in a small smirk and he had to bite his tongue seeing a startled 'dear in the headlights' look when he asked a question that broke Tony's connection. Realizing it was now or never, because he was certain that if he didn't do anything he would be looking at a resignation letter in close future, he added.

''Come here.''

Tony hesitated only for a short moment, then he walked and stood in front of Gibbs. Feeling suddenly bold, he put his hands on Gibbs' shoulders, and looked into his eyes. He felt himself blushing when Gibbs's eyes started traveling up and down his body, and when a smirk appeared on his lips. When their eyes connected again, they moved toward each other at the same time and their lips met for the first time.

Sweet, warm, hard and passionate...all in the same moment.

Pure heaven.

Their tongues twirled, dancing their own dance. Gibbs wrapped his arms around Tony's waist and Tony tightened his hold on Gibbs' shoulders. When they had to, because of the lack of the air, break the kiss, Gibbs continued kissing down Tony's jaw, who leaned his head backwards, giving him access on the neck, moaning silently all the time. 

''Touch me, Jethro. Please.''

Their lips met for the second time while their hands started stroking each other. All too soon, the release came. They finished the shower together, when the reality of what awaited them outside came rushing back into their minds. 

/

Two days later, Tony was just about to quit his struggle to breathe and just give up, when a familiar coffee and sawdust smell reached his nostrils, and he opened his eyes, and saw the man he loved leaning over him.

''You will NOT die, DiNozzo! You hear me? You will NOT die!'' Gibbs ordered in his ear.

''Why not?'' Tony rasped. ''I can't... Have no strength left, Boss.''

''Yes you do. I know you do, Tony. You know why? We started something and I want to finish it. So find that strength. I know you can do it.'' Gibbs whispered and locked his eyes with Tony's.

Tony couldn't break the intense eye contact and his lips formed a small smile while his hand searched Gibbs'. Their fingers intertwined and he felt a strong squeeze.

''Jethro...'' He started to say something, but didn't know what exactly, when he felt warm lips on his.

Tony returned the kiss, pouring everything he felt in it, hoping Gibbs would know what he was saying without words. What started as a light kiss, soon turned into a heated one, but all too soon he had to break it because of a cough.

''I'm not letting you go, Tony. Not now, not ever.'' Gibbs said and with a last squeeze of his hand, left the isolation room. 

END OF THE FLASHBACK

Returning to reality, his heart filled with dread. He wasn't afraid of death. Hell, he knew he would die someday, but he was hoping it would be in the line of the duty, not because of some bio weapon. In his paranoia, he started talking about everything and nothing, trying to cover his fear, and he felt like he had been stabbed when Gibbs basically told him to shut up. He was terrified, how could Gibbs not understand that? Even McGee, who was there at that time, failed to understand. He couldn't go through the plague all over again. Fighting to breathe...

He needed to get away from here...away from Gibbs. Hurt, anger, despair, disappointment, fear washed over him like an avalanche, and he found himself clenching his fists so hard that his nails managed to draw blood. He kept his mouth firmly shut, praying that Gibbs wouldn't say anything, because he was certain that if the ex-Marine said only one word, he would’ve scream. Without a word, he practically ran away. His vision blurred and he angrily wiped the tears. Finding an empty room on the abandoned ship wasn't hard to do and he spend there half an hour trying to calm himself down so that he at least looked normal, even though he was boiling inside.

For the next couple of hours, he was silent, fighting his own fears and hiding his hurt, keeping his distance from everyone. When they made their escape, thankfully not dying, leaving the pirates on the ship, who came for the nuclear warhead, while they took off with their boat, he kept his eyes focused on the sea, refusing to make any form of contact with the rest of them. As soon as they reached the shore, he jumped out without waiting for anyone else and started walking away. 

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs yelled after him, and he could hear shock and confusion in his voice, but for the first time, he didn't care.

''Leave me the hell alone!'' He snapped, not stopping and not turning around.

If he did, he would've seen the shock written on their faces.

He finally had enough. What started as a small crack, turned into a rift. A hole that turned into abyss.

He was loosing his fight with everything that he had buried inside, and he knew... it was only a matter of time.

And he cared less.

/

Finally, a couple of days and cold cases later, the day when he finally lost it, arrived. A case where his own father was involved. He hadn't seen the man for more than twenty years and if it was up to him he would be glad to see him on his deathbed. Anthony DiNozzo Senior just had to pick that day to arrive. 

Clothed in a black suit, black shirt and a black tie, he walked into the bullpen almost an hour late, and without a word sat on his chair. He did that on purpose, craving for a fight.

''You're late, DiNozzo.'' Gibbs commented, looking at the pale man.

''So take it off my pay.'' Tony spat, glad to hear shocked gasps from both Ziva and McGee.

''Is there a problem I'm not aware of, Special Agent DiNozzo?'' Gibbs asked, narrowing his eyes in a dangerous way.

''No. No problem at all. Everything is peachy. Special Agent Gibbs.'' Tony answered, almost snarling the last part.

Gibbs stood up and walked toward his SFA, then leaned over his desk, forcing Tony to look up. He was shocked to see a challenging anger in the green eyes. 

McGee and Ziva didn't dare to even say a word, shocked with Tony's words and attitude.

''Something you want, boss? If not, I would like to return to work.''

''While you work for me, DiNozzo, I demand respect from you. Do I make myself clear?'' 

Tony actually snorted at that, then replied, almost sweetly. ''I work for the Director of the NCIS, as well as you. You may be my boss in this team, but I work with you, not for you. However, if you want my letter of resignation, I can print it out for you this instant.''

Not able to hide his shock that Tony already had his letter of resignation written, and suddenly afraid that if he pushed too hard, Tony would actually pack his things and leave, Gibbs took a deep breath to calm himself.

''I don't want your damn letter of resignation! What I want is to know what the hell is wrong with you!''

''Nothing is wrong. I'm fine.'' Tony answered calmly, clenching his fists underneath the table.

Seeing the familiar mask firmly on Tony's face, walls too high around him, and knowing that no matter what he said, he wouldn't find the answer, Gibbs stormed toward his desk, took his badge and gun, then left for his third cup of coffee. Ten minutes later, he walked into the autopsy. 

/

''Jethro. What brings you here?'' Ducky asked.

''It's Tony. Something is wrong, and he won't say what.'' Gibbs answered angrily.

''Our Anthony has always been a closed person, you of all people should know that, Jethro.''

''I know that. What I don't know is what did I do to him to make him angry. He practically threatened to quit.'' Gibbs said, then after they were settled in Ducky's office, explained what happened.

After a long moment of silence, Ducky spoke, carefully choosing his words. ''It seems Anthony's anger is directed mostly at you, Jethro. I've noticed that a few days ago, when we came back from Chimera. I'm afraid that I should've, or better yet, we all should have treated things differently. Treated him differently that day. It didn't occur to me till later, but by then it was too late.''

''What do you mean?'' Gibbs asked in confusion.

''We were focused on the case, not thinking how the threat of death affected our Anthony.'' Ducky explained.

''It is a part of our job, Duck. When ever we go out, we know there's a possibility we could die.'' Gibbs frowned.

''Yes, I agree. But dying of something familiar, like a bullet or a knife, something that is treatable, is very much different from something like bio-hazard weapon, in which nothing is certain. I think that, when he thought he would die, Anthony reflected on the time when he was dying from the plague. He remembered the struggle to take a simple breath of air. Something we all take for granted.''

After a long moment, while Gibbs thought of what the ME said, he couldn't do nothing but agree. ''Dammit. I should've know. What in the world can I do now? He won't accept anything from me, and it is too late for an apology.'' He muttered.

''Jethro, may I ask you a personal question?'' Ducky asked, surprised that Gibbs, the man who never apologizes, actually consider that option. Seeing a nod from his friend, he continued. ''You and Anthony had always been close, ever since the moment you met. And your relationship grew stronger every day. You were his mentor, became his friend. I saw how he looks up to you, but mostly, how he looks at you. And how you, sometimes, look at him.''

''Is there an actual question, Duck?'' Gibbs asked, raising an eyebrow.

''I'm coming to that, my friend.'' Ducky smiled warmly. ''Like I said, I saw the looks. I realize how close you two are. And what confuses me is, they were nothing like a friend should look at another friend. The way you sometimes look at him is more like you look at a lover. Did something happen between the two of you?''

Gibbs sighed. He should've know that nothing passed by Ducky. ''Yes. The first time we kissed was when we were showering after he opened that damn letter. During the years, we occasionally slept together. Come to think of it, it was more frequent before. With time, it was always after a hard case. It's like we somehow lost that something that connected us. It became just sex, not love.''

''Are you in love with him?'' Ducky asked tentatively.

''Yes. I think I fell for him the moment I looked into his eyes.''

''And do you think he feels the same? That he loves you back?''

''I thought so, at the time. Now, I'm not so sure.'' Gibbs answered, troubled.

''I see. That would explain why Anthony directs all his anger toward you. When was the last time you two had that kind of contact? If you don't mind me asking.''

''Two days before I was blown up. That was the last time he came to my house.''

''That was ten months ago, Jethro.'' Ducky said surprised. ''Are you saying you haven't had any physical encounters all that time?''

''Yes, well, I lost my memories and left to Mexico, then he left for six months, thanks to Vance. I didn't want anyone else. It would’ve felt like cheating. And now I don't know where I stand with him.''

''And it's Anthony or no one, right?''

''Pretty much, yes. Duck, what am I gonna do?''

''You have to talk to him, Jethro. Talk about your feelings.'' Ducky answered, then chuckled, seeing a frown on Gibbs' face. ''Yes, I know that isn't your forte, but if you don't want to lose him, you have to.''

''Yes, I know.'' Gibbs said, then stood up, signaling the conversation was over. ''Thanks, Duck.''

''You are welcome, my friend. I'm always here for you. Your secret is safe with me.''

''I know.''

/

Unknown to Gibbs, or Tony, Ducky, Vance and Fornell formed a close friendship ever since Vance became the Director. All three of them had only one thought on their mind. The welfare of Tony DiNozzo. Ducky was the first person Leon Vance talked to about Tony, asking for his input as a professional psychiatrist and a close friend of the agent in question, after Fornell came to him, asking to send Tony away. He wanted to know if reassigning him as Agent Afloat would be good or bad for the young agent. Ducky agreed with Fornell, seeing how Tony started to distance himself from everyone, and especially his change after Jenny was killed. 

That is why he was now heading toward Vance's office, troubled of the sudden anger in Tony. He suspected that there was more to it than what he told Jethro. However, the relationship between two agents will remain a secret. He wasn't going to say anything about what his friend confessed.

Ducky was surprised seeing Fornell with Vance, casually drinking coffee, but after a moment, he thought it was probably a good idea the FBI agent was there. Three heads were better than two.

''Dr. Mallard.'' Fornell and Vance greeted the newcomer at the same time.

''Gentlemen, I'm afraid I come baring bad news.'' Ducky said, accepting a cup of coffee from Vance.

''What's wrong?'' Vance asked, frowning.

''It is about young Anthony.'' Ducky answered, then told them what had been going on.

''Yes, I've noticed he became somewhat sad and distant. Even Emily got worried.'' Fornell said, after Ducky stopped talking. ''I just wish I had been there when he snapped at Gibbs. Threatening to quit.'' He added with a small chuckle.

''I don't think Jethro finds this situation amusing, Tobias. He is very worried.'' Ducky said in a serious tone.

''As well as he should be, Dr. Mallard.'' Fornell said, all trace of amusement vanishing from his face. ''It is his fault! If the functional mute just opened his mouth and talked to him, nothing of this would've happened! Instead he decided to hide in his basement, thinking everything would solve on its own. Newsflash. Relationships require conversations as well! Jethro is my friend too, and I told him that multiple times, but stubborn as he is, he doesn’t listen.''

''Functional mute?'' Vance asked in amusement, with a raised eyebrow, then as the rest of what Fornell just said registered in his mind, added. ''Relationship? What do you mean relationship?''

''It's what Tony came up with a couple of years ago.'' Fornell answered, praying Vance would forget the other part that he revealed in his anger. However, he wasn't that lucky.

''Of course he did.'' Vance mumbled, then narrowed his eyes at the FBI agent. ''And the other part? Are you saying that Tony and Gibbs are romantically involved? If they are, how long has that been going on?''

"Ummm, can you forget I said that?'' Fornell asked, squirming on his seat.

That itself was answer enough for Vance, and he frowned, putting everything he knew until then into a new perspective. Eventually, he cleared his throat. ''If what you say is the truth, I have no problem with that. I'm no bigot. What someone does outside of work is their business. Since I haven't seen anything that affects work, I will leave it. Now, let's go back to the matter in hand. What to do with Agent DiNozzo?''

''I don't think there is anything we can do but pray there won't be any casualties.'' Ducky said. ''He is almost at his breaking point. The only thing we can do is watch closely, and when the time comes, try to pick up the pieces.''

''I was afraid you would say something like that.'' Vance said, and Fornell sighed, thinking of the two stubborn idiots, his friend and his surrogate son.

/

After the initial shock of seeing his father in front of him subdued, Tony couldn't stop gritting his teeth, but he refused to say anything and make a scene. He was at his work, after all. There would be plenty of time later to tell Senior to go to hell. In the meantime, the man was here and trying his best to charm his coworkers with his false smile. Every time he saw how Ziva, Abby and McGee laughed after his father told some imaginary story of Tony's childhood, his eyes hardened and he had to grid his teeth or clench his fists so that he didn't lash out. Tony couldn't believe how they couldn't tell that Anthony DiNozzo Senior was a false man, that every word he spoke was a lie. The only one who hasn't fallen under Senior's charm was Gibbs, but that was because he knew part of his hard childhood. But, Gibbs didn't say a word. He just kept quiet, allowing the farce to continue. And it hurt.

/

''Abby's lab. Ten minutes.'' Tony spoke suddenly, with a voice that held no emotions, and left the bullpen.

Ziva and McGee looked at Tony's back as he walked away then at Gibbs who shrugged his shoulders. Gibbs didn't want to show it, but he was worried for his SFA. For his love. Tony was quiet for days, hell, weeks, and he couldn't understand the reason why. Now that he knew the reason behind the anger, he thought of ways to make everything alright. Unfortunately, so far, he came up with nothing.

And there was also the screaming fact of his wardrobe. Dark suits. When ever Tony wore suits it meant something was bothering him. It was his way of showing he was hurt. But not only that. It also meant that the walls he surrounded himself were up. That the mask was on. If there was one thing he was certain about his SFA, after all the years they worked together, it was how to recognize his moods through the way Tony was dressed. Casual meant he was carefree, suits meant he closed himself off. From everyone. Even from him. But, what troubled Gibbs right now was the suits Tony wore for the last couple of weeks were all black. The shirt underneath wasn't white, like usual. No, It was either dark green, dark gray, dark blue or pure black. Like today.

And the silence. It was not normal. Silent Tony was not normal. It was unsettling. There was no joking, no quick remarks. Nothing. Both Ziva and McGee tried to talk to Tony, tried to provoke him, but nothing worked. 

Gibbs' gut was churning and he didn't know what to do. How to help. What he did know was that it was all his fault. Fornell tried to tell him, but he didn't want to listen. He didn't want to deal with emotions. 

Ten minutes later, Tony and Abby were met with three confused people. Abby, under Tony's request, shut down the security cameras so that they could have privacy Tony needed for this conversation. His whole body trembled with buried fury and anger and his, usually bright green eyes were now dark. He knew he was showing emotions he didn't want to be shown, but at that moment he didn't care. 

''Officer David.'' Tony spoke in a hard tone, causing everyone to look at him in question, but he held his eyes on the woman in question. ''Who am I?''

''Excuse me?'' Ziva asked in confusion, then chuckled. ''You are Tony DiNozzo, or you changed your name recently?''

''Let me rephrase my question then, as it appears you don't understand. What am I to you? Here, at work.'' Tony asked, narrowing his eyes at the Israeli woman standing in front of him.

''You are a Senior Field Agent. What is wrong Tony?'' Ziva answered, still confused by both the question and the anger she could feel radiating from him.

''I'm also your superior when Gibbs is not around, Officer David, or have you forgotten that?'' Tony said.

''If this is about what happened, I assure you I had everything under a control. Your father was safe...'' Ziva tried to explain, but Tony cut her off.

''I don't give a shit whether that man who calls himself my father is safe or not. The murderer who killed my mother with his fists, who beet the crap out of me since I was four years old. As far as I'm concern he can rot ten feet under. What I do care is when I give an order, I expect you to follow without question. Do I make myself clear, Officer David? This is your last warning. I will no longer tolerate how you choose to disobey me. As a Mossad, you were taught the chain of command, weren't you? Next time you disobey a directive order, I will be forced to look for another partner. That also goes for you too, Agent McGee.'' He added, looking at the stunned young man standing next to Ziva. Looking back at Ziva, he saw how horrified she seemed. ''What's the matter, Ziva? You thought your family is the only one who has murderers?''

Tony heard the gasps when he revealed part of his childhood, and from the corner of his eye he also saw the shock and horror written on Abby's face, and how her eyes filled with tears. She wrapped her arms around herself when she started shaking.

For the first time in his life, Gibbs didn't know what to do or what to say. He was shocked as well as the others over what Tony just revealed about his father. He knew Tony had a hard time growing up, but murder? He also had a feeling that this wasn't only because Ziva disobeyed his order. If it were just because of that, he wouldn't have radiated so much anger as he was right now. Trying to calm the situation, he decided to be the mediator.

''DiNozzo has a point here, Ziva. When I'm not around, his order has the same value as mine.''

As expected, Both Ziva and McGee nodded in agreement, but what he didn't expect was a snort from Tony.

''Something you wanna say, DiNozzo?'' Although worried, he narrowed his eyes at Tony.

''Who? Me?'' Tony asked, fluttering his eyelashes dramatically.

''Yes. You. Stop fooling around and say what's on your mind. Here I am, backing you up and what you do? You snort.''

Any trace of humor Tony might have had up until that moment, disappeared in a matter of a second after hearing those words. The only thing that was left in him was anger. Anger that radiated from him in waves. Rage that overflowed his whole body. Overflowed his mind and heart.

''Fooling around, Gibbs?'' Tony snarled, as he suddenly found himself standing in front of the stunned ex-Marine. ''Fooling around? Is that what you think I've been doing for over a decade? You knew how I work before you begged me to come here and work for you! You begged me! Remember? Well, excuse me for not having a basement where I could go and hide from the rest of the world. Excuse me for choosing not to drown my emotions in Bourbon. Excuse me for trying to find some light in the world of dead Marines.'' 

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs snapped as well. ''That's enough! If you're angry at me, let's work it out in the gym, not like this. You'll end up saying something you'll regret.''

''You don't want to fight with me right now, Gibbs.'' Tony warned through his clenched teeth. ''Not today!''

''And why is that? I'm a Marine, think I can handle you.'' Gibbs tried to ease the tension, but not very successfully.

Tony looked at Gibbs for a long moment, then answered, locking their eyes. ''Because one of us will end up dead. And that is a promise.'' Then he left, leaving four shocked people behind.

Seeing Tony leaving like that, broke something in Gibbs. Suddenly he had a feeling he had to do something before he lost Tony for good. Even if that meant talking about feelings and apologize. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. It was true what he said to Ducky earlier. 'It was Tony or no one.'

''Oh, no you don't, Tony. I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever.'' He whispered, and ran after the man who held his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who gave their guesses, you were right. Episode 'Requiem' is the final straw where Tony goes to Vance. But, first he had to lose some steam. 
> 
> The part in 'Leap of faith' with Abby and her job interview gave me an idea. Gibbs and Tony finally have their talk, or in this case, fight. So, there will be a tincy-wincy spoiler for 5x5 'Leap of faith'. 
> 
> However, due to the length of what I wrote so far, I had to split it up in two chapters, so the actual fight will be in the next chapter and the 'Requiem' part in chapter 6. Bear in mind that those two episodes, in this story, happen after Jenny died, and that Vance is the Director.
> 
> I also have one more surprise for you. *evil grin*
> 
> Anyyyyyway, enjoy, it's a long one.

Unfortunately for Gibbs, Tony was nowhere to be found. He checked the autopsy room, giving Ducky a small summary of what happened, causing the doctor rushing to the lab. After checking the bullpen, the men’s room, the cafeteria, even the interrogation and conference rooms, he returned to his desk and sat down. Ever since he ran after Tony, he kept calling him, with no success. With every unanswered call, his temper rose, and his heart sank. The 'boss' part of him was angry with Tony for disobeying rule #3 'Never be unreachable', but the emotional part of him understood. He saw the rage coming from him, hell, he felt it.

It was the first time, in all the years he knew him, that he saw Tony that angry, and it scared him. He couldn't understand where all that anger came from, couldn't understand how Tony was able to hide it. Tears clouded his vision and he fought not to let them down. He was also troubled of what he'd learned about Tony's past. True, he suspected he was neglected and abused as a child, and he hated Senior with all his heart, but learning he was capable of murdering his own wife...that was unacceptable. It boiled his blood. He was glad that that man was not in front of him in this moment because he was capable of murdering him for hurting Tony like that.

He didn't know how long he sat there, head in his hands, looking at the imaginary spot on his desk, when he felt someone in front of him and he lifted his head, looking at Ziva and McGee.

''Boss?'' McGee asked, not sure of what to do.

''Go home.'' Gibbs sighed. ''There is nothing you can do.''

''Yes, Boss.'' Both Ziva and McGee reluctantly agreed, recognizing an order in Gibbs' voice.

Gathering their belongings, they left the bullpen, casting a last glance toward their boss, who returned to his previous position. Waiting for Tony. Hoping the young man would at least come back to take his stuff. Either way, he would stay put for as long as needed.

/

Tony took the stairs, running as if the devil was after him. He paid no mind to the constant ring of his phone. Even without looking, he already knew who was calling him. Gibbs. But, for the first time, he didn't care. His feet took him to the roof, and he stood there, shivering underneath the cold rain that started to mix with his tears the moment he closed the door behind him. He wanted to scream, to hit something, but what he did was the opposite. Just like he always did. He pushed everything down and tried not to think of it. Not to think of anything. His hand gripped the rail so hard his knuckles started to become white. His teeth gritted against each other so hard he was afraid they would snap. If anyone would look at him at that moment, they would swear they were seeing a wounded animal.

It would be so easy just to step over and end it all. One step and all this pain would go away. 

He wasn't even aware he was leaning over, when his phone started ringing again. In one angry move, he reached for it, wanting nothing more than to yell at Gibbs to leave him the hell alone, when he realized he got a text.

A text that probably saved his life. 

/

When Gibbs told him what happened, Ducky rushed toward Abby's lab, afraid what he would find when he got there. He didn't even try to find Tony, knowing that if the young man didn't want to be found, no one, not even Gibbs would be successful. 

One look at Abby told him everything he needed to know. She was clearly in distress, sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth. Her mascara was all over her face, crying like it was the end of the world. And for the sensitive Goth, it might as well be. McGee held her in his arms, kneeling next to her, but Ziva seemed shell-shocked, standing not far.

''Calm down, my dear.'' Ducky spoke, his voice somewhat soothing the young girl.

''You don't know...Tony was so angry. He said... God, I can't even say it. I’ve never seen him like that. How can I calm down when he is hurt? And Gibbs went after him. They will fight and...'' Abby said in one breath.

''I know what happened, Abigail. Jethro told me. Now, take deep breaths, otherwise I will have to sedate you.'' Ducky said in a warning, but calm tone.

''If it's true what Tony said about Senior killing his mother, we have to do something.'' McGee said thoughtfully. He wasn't prepared for the punch in his stomach that threw him on the floor, landing on his butt.

''What do you mean 'if'? Tony would never lie about something like that!'' Abby screamed in anger. ''And don't you worry. When I'm finished with Senior, it would be like he never existed.'' She promised, with an evil glint in her eyes.

''Now, now, Abigail. You will do no such thing.'' Ducky tsked, then looked sharply in her eyes, planting his hands on her shoulders. ''Promise me.''

Abby had no other choice but to sigh and lower her eyes in acceptance. Ducky pointedly looked at the two agents, who gave their nods as well. In his mind, he already knew who would deal with Senior. He was troubled, hearing about yet another sad part of Tony's life. What he knew already, what he suspected, it wasn't easy. It was probably hell, but the young man pulled through. Ducky felt proud of Anthony, the man he grew up to be. After everything. Hell, he saw the faint scars on Tony's back, and as his medical proxy and doctor he had seen his medical chart, proving his suspicions. He hoped with all his heart Tony would pull through this ordeal, this bump on the road. Anthony, the man he cared about like a son, was strong. But, then again, scars on the heart, even though they were not visible, were harder to heal than the physical ones.

Certain that Abby would be fine, and sending Ziva and McGee upstairs, Ducky returned to the autopsy room, and closed the door of his office, not wanting anyone to hear as he dialed two numbers on his phone. A couple of rings later, Director Vance and Fornell appeared on the screen.

''Gentlemen, I'm afraid it has begun.'' Ducky spoke without preamble, knowing that they would know what he was referring to. Seeing their sorrowful expressions, he continued. ''There is more. We need to investigate Anthony DiNozzo Senior.''

''Oh? On what grounds?'' Vance asked, his eyebrow going up.

''Murder.'' Ducky answered, then told them what happened and what was revealed. ''What the young lad told me during all these years, and knowing what I know now, I suspect he saw the whole thing. Senior left them in the house for three days afterwards, and I believe Anthony never moved from his mother's side.''

''Oh my God! That's... I have no words.'' Fornell said, shocked to the core. ''I will deal with this personally. When I'm done, there will be no trace of him.'' He promised darkly, then asked in surprise when Ducky started chuckling. ''Something funny, doctor?''

''It's just, those are almost exactly the same words Abigail said not half an hour ago.'' Ducky answered, and Fornell just shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face.

''If there's anything you need...'' Director Vance said, still processing what he heard.

''I know.'' Fornell answered. ''Keep an eye on our boy, Ducky.''

''I will. No worries about that.'' Ducky smiled warmly.

There was nothing more to say. Ducky knew Fornell would move heaven and earth to put Senior where he belonged.

/

On his way from the office, Vance stood on the platform and looked down, to the section where MCRT was and saw Gibbs, sitting at his desk, waiting for Tony. Sighing, he returned back to his office, pulled a blanket and a pillow out of the closet then send a text to the man who managed to worm into his heart.

***Gibbs is waiting for you in the bullpen. If you don't want to go home, use my office for the night.***

He was aware it was not much, but he hoped it would be enough, at least for a while.

/

It took only a couple of seconds to realize what he had almost done. Part of him was glad he got the text that stopped him, but one part, one small part felt sadness and disappointment. Because the pain he felt in his heart was back, being gone for only a small amount of time, and he wondered how much could he take. His walls were cracking, crashing around him. He was powerless to stop them.

The weather was getting worse by the moment. The rain and the cold wind were bad for him, especially when he wasn't wearing a winter coat, coat he left in his car. He knew it, but he didn't care. Maybe he should just take that step. It wasn't as if he would be missed.

A strong shiver that went through his whole body broke through his dazed state and he moved from the edge where he was standing. The moment of self-despise was over and he walked back into the building. His feet took him down into the Director's office. On his way, he cast a glance to the floor down and saw Gibbs sitting at his desk, deep in his thoughts. 

Realizing he was wet and cold to the bone, he took a detour to the room, that was in the hall next to the bullpen, which they used as a closet. All agents that had a tendency to stay long hours stashed their spare clothes in there, in their lockers. Taking what he needed, his eyes fell down to the box he kept in there. A box that was almost full. During the last couple of years, he often looked through it, or just at it, and the content of what was inside somewhat made him feel better. Made him feel wanted.

Tony returned upstairs using the back stairs and closed the door behind him. A small smile appeared when he noticed a blanket and a pillow on the sofa. He used the bathroom to change into the dry clothes, took a glass of water and lay down. It was when his head connected with the pillow that he realized how tired and drained he felt. Physically, but mostly emotionally.

First, it was the significance of the day. Ten year anniversary of Kate's death which no one seemed to realize but him. Then his father showing unannounced that brought bad memories, then what happened in Abby's lab. He was glad he had somewhere to spend the night because he didn't want to see Senior ever again. Closing his eyes, he prayed for sleep without nightmares.

/

DREAM

''Today is the best day of my life, and all thanks to you, Jethro.'' Tony whispered drunkenly, nibbling his ear with his teeth.

They were lying on a big bed in some hotel, their limbs tangled together, recovering from the mind blowing orgasm that happened only a couple of moments ago.

The silver-haired man looked at his lover, love shining from his eyes and smiling brightly, even though he was as drunk as the man beside him. ''No, it is because of you, Tony. I can't believe I've done it again. But, it never, except Shannon, felt right.''

''I can't believe we did it as well.'' Tony chuckled. ''I just hope we'll remember it in the morning.''

''Me too. We're pretty drunk. But, in case we forgot, we have proof in my wallet.'' Gibbs replied, closing his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.

END OF THE DREAM

Gibbs woke up with a start, not remembering in what moment he had fallen to sleep. His eyes went wide, not sure if that what he just dreamed of was just a dream, wishful thinking on his part, or a real memory. Truth was, ever since he was blown up and lost memories of half of his life, every once and a while, he got flashbacks, new memories resurfacing. He was fairly certain all his memories came back, though. He wasn't lying to Ducky earlier. He loved Tony, remembered their time together. He remembered how his heart stopped every time the young man would cough. He remembered every kiss, every touch...

A memory of Tony, lying on the hospital bed, under the blue light, coughing, struggling to breathe. His own feeling of hopelessness...

Brushing back that particular memory out of his mind, he stood up and walked to Tony's desk. His stuff was still in the drawer, which meant Tony was still on the base, somewhere. He contemplated what to do. Should he stay here or run home to check whether this dream was real or not? Glancing at the clock, he noticed it was five in the morning. It would took him about an hour to go home, check the safe in his basement, change clothes and return back here. Making up his mind, he took his wallet, badge and gun, then left.

He drove in his usual speed, and stepped through the door of his house half an hour later. Finding what he was looking for, a wooden box hidden in the floor, he searched through the papers that were there. When he found the document, he stood there stunned. It was true. 

His dream was indeed a memory.

And judging how drunk both of them were that night, it was no surprise they didn't remember.

/ 

Tony was determined to start the day as if nothing had happened. However, the cold shivers that ran through his body might prove to be a setback in that plan of his. When he woke up, it took a couple of moments for him to realize where exactly he was, as the memories of the events of the previous day assaulted his mind. He felt his throat sore and started coughing. When the painful fight for breath was over, he put his usual mask on, the mask of someone who had nothing to worry about. After folding the blanket, putting it, as well as the pillow, on the end of the sofa, he wrote a small 'thank you' note, placing it on Vance's desk, took his, now dry, clothes from the bathroom, then went downstairs.

He was both glad and disappointed at seeing that Gibbs was not there. Since it was 05:30 AM, he decided to go home. He took his stuff from the drawer, and the backpack that he had thrown on the floor the day prior then walked away, leaving the bullpen empty.

After taking a well needed hot shower, trying to warm his bones, he packed another bag of spare clothes as he noticed his locker was almost empty, them made his way to the coffee shop near his building, since his refrigerator was empty, and he desperately needed his hazelnut cream coffee. He took a couple of aspirins with him, recognizing the signs he had, hoping it wouldn’t turn into a Pneumonia. Last thing he needed right now was ending up in the hospital.

/

Like every day, he stopped by Kate's grave on his way to work. He talked to her, cried his heart out. He felt somewhat better after that. 

''I miss you, Kate.'' He said solemnly, wiping the tears away. ''I wish you were here. I need you, need my sister. Need your wisdom. Because...I'm falling...and there is no one to catch me.''

He couldn't see Kate, dressed in a white gown, as she sat next to him, listening to his every word, sharing his pain, and wishing she was there. Wishing she could touch him, give him a, so much needed, hug and support. A comfort he was desperate for.

''Oh, Tony.'' She whispered, tears sliding down her face.

For ten years she had been following him, as a ghost, her heart breaking when ever he cried. Sometimes she even thought he could see her. He would get this strange look in his eyes when he would look at her former desk, but that was probably her wishful thinking. She didn't mind she was unable to cross over. She was more needed here. To watch over him. 

When she realized, partly surprised, that his mind was the only one she could appear in, she often talked to him in his dreams, deleting it from his memory afterwards, but after three years she realized it was only making it hard for him to move on, she stopped. Not that he moved on either way. She was content with watching over him from the distance. Even though they bickered all the time, she did love him and cared for him. 

''I miss you too.'' She said, watching him leave. 

/

Tony was just walking through the metal detector in the Navy Yard when he heard his name being called from behind. Recognizing McGee's voice, he waited for him while talking friendly with the security guard at the door. Through all his work life, he always made sure he was friendly with the guards and LEO's, and thus he had many friends.

''What's up McYeller?'' He joked, adding a new nickname into his vocabulary.

Thrown off guard by how casual Tony looked and sounded after yesterday, McGee frowned at the new nickname. He glared at both Tony and Evan, the security guard when they started chuckling.

''I guess nothing is wrong. You're back to your usual, annoying self.'' McGee sighed, then frowned again, seeing how Tony's eyes darkened for a second, but it was over before he could even blink. 

''Hey, did you hear Abby had a job interview at the Ritz Carlton? Celebrating with cocktails and all that.'' Tony asked after a moment, walking to the elevator.

''What?'' McGee asked confused. ''No, I didn't. Look, Tony...about what happened yesterday...''

''Yesterday? What happened?'' Tony asked, raising an eyebrow in a challenging way. ''Huh, I wonder if Gibbs knows?'' 

''Stop changing the subject! We are talking about what you said yesterday!'' McGee started fuming, exasperated with Tony's behavior.

Thankfully, they were the only ones in the elevator, and Tony looked sharply at the young agent. He flicked a switch, stopping the ride upstairs. ''We are NOT talking about that. Am I understood, Agent McGee?'' He asked in a deadly tone of a voice, accompanying it with a glare that could rival Gibbs'.

McGee would never tell him, but underneath that glare, coming either from Tony or Gibbs, he always felt like a small child. It was unnerving to say the least. Finally, McGee couldn't do anything but give one small nod, accepting his fate, and Tony flipped the switch back on. He walked behind Tony, without a word, when the elevator door opened. He knew he could never be a match to Tony or pry anything out of him. Seeing Ziva emerging from the elevator two minutes later, he hoped she would be successful than him.

''Morning.'' Ziva greeted them, then looked at Tony as he powered his computer. ''You okay, Tony?''

''Shouldn't I be?'' He answered, not even looking at her. 

''Well, yesterday you...'' She started, but Tony interrupted her in an angry tone.

''I will tell you exactly what I told McGee. Nothing happened yesterday. Am I making myself clear? If nothing, respect that.'' He said, throwing an dark glare her way.

''What is that supposed to mean?'' Ziva bristled.

''Oh, I think you know very well.''

Any retort she might've had, died when she heard a cart coming toward their part of the bullpen. She watched in amazement how Tony's personality changed in a matter of a second. Instead of a cold and dark glare, on his face was now a friendly smile. A smile that actually reached his eyes. She was shocked when she realized that he never, in all the years they worked together, looked at her that way. When he smiled at her, the smile seemed reserved, distant. And that sudden revelation somehow disturbed her. It caused her to question if she ever really knew the man sitting across from her. It was a hard pill to take because she thought they were friends... family. 

''Hey, Tony!'' Cindy, the office mail woman, smiled at him, handing him a bunch of letters from the cart she was steering around the building.

''Hey Cindy.'' Tony smiled back, then asked. ''How's Jamie?''

''Oh, he is fine. At home, in his bed, watching movies. He said that breaking his leg was the best thing that happened this year. He can lie down and be lazy all day.'' She chuckled. ''He is just sorry the basketball team lost one of the best players. You should visit him. I'm sure he would be happy to see you.''

''I will. Best player, my foot.'' Tony laughed. ''I taught him everything he knows. And you can tell him I said so.''

''Sure, Tony.'' Cindy laughed, walking away.

Tony roamed through the pile of letters, surprised to notice that each year, the job offers seemed to multiple. As he suspected, Fornell's offer was among the letters as well and he chuckled inwardly. It was their little thing they had going on. Almost every week, like clockwork, Fornell would send him a job offer. It warmed his heart. He felt wanted, felt he was actually good at his work, that he was making a difference in the world. If he ever decided to leave NCIS, he knew he had various possibilities to choose from. Even the 'dark side', the FBI.

/

'Gear up. Dead Marine.'' Gibbs said, strolling toward his desk to collect his gun and badge, casting a glance at Tony.

He didn't say anything else, since it was hardly the right place and time for personal conversation. He was well aware of the tension between the trio, overhearing everything that was being said. If Tony wanted to act that nothing was wrong, he would play it that way. But they would talk. Sooner or later. The document in his pocket seemed like it weighted a tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy, the surprises keep on coming. *evil laugh* I have a reason for adding Kate as a ghost, and for Senior being a murderer. So, what do you think Gibbs' memory is really about? I'm sure you've guessed it already. *grin* 
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter. Thanks to every one of you who put this story on alert, favorite and who took the time to review. I hope you will share your thoughts again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so sorry for the long delay, guys, but for some reason this chapter didn't want to be written. *frowns slightly and glares at the computer* But, finally, my muse decided to come back from her loooong vacation. I didn't even realize so much time has passed since my last update. I'm really sorry, guys.  
> Anyhow, here is the final fight when Tony loses it. Slight spoiler to 5x5 'Leap of Faith'. Also, they are a bit OOC. Enjoy.

Chapter 5

 

When they arrived at the crime scene, they all went doing their parts like usual. The only thing that was out of the usual was the silence. There were no jokes or witty comments from Tony as he took sketches and photos of Sergeant Jonson. McGee took statements from witnesses and Ziva searched the perimeter for clues, bagging and tagging everything of significance. Ducky and Palmer came to collect the body, immediately noticing the tension and the silence, but both refrained from saying anything. Well, Palmer wanted to ask what was going on, but one pointed look from his mentor changed his mind and he continued working without a word. However, once in awhile, Ducky threw a look toward Tony, not liking what he saw.

/

''It was the wife.'' Tony said with certainty, looking at something on his computer, after they returned back to the Navy Yard, three hours later.

''And how did you figured that?'' Ziva asked. ''She had no reason to kill him.''

''Half of a million of life insurance is a good reason, Ziva.'' Tony answered, trying not to roll his eyes at her tone.

''It could be, but the fact Sergeant Jonson was seen fighting with this man two days before, points that he could also be our suspect.'' McGee joined in, putting the footage on the plasma.

''McGee, find who he is and bring him here for questioning. Ziva, we'll talk with Jonson's coworkers. DiNozzo, you work on that wife theory.'' Gibbs ordered, not wanting to get in the middle and taking sides. He was already on a thin line with Tony and didn't want to add more ammunition to the young man against him. 

''Yes, Boss.'' Ziva an McGee answered at the same time, but Tony just returned his eyes back to the screen without a word as if Gibbs didn’t say anything, which didn't go unnoticed by anyone.

/

A couple of hours later, they were all back, this time, in Abby's lab with evidences, fighting among each other whose evidence should Abby process first.

''Will all of you be quiet!'' Abby shouted, anger and worry overwhelming her. 

She hated when her 'family' fought, hated the way Tony acted as if nothing he revealed yesterday was important or troubled. She knew him well to see his 'I'm fine' mask firmly on his face. And the fact she was tired didn't help one bit. She also knew what he had been doing all day, and why. Gossiping about her job interview, only to hide his own offers. She had several visits from various agents asking why she was leaving, and the situation was getting to her.

''Take it easy, Abbs.'' Gibbs said, strolling into the lab, a cup of ever present coffee in his hand.

''No. It's late, I'm tired, overworked and taken for granted. You're not the only team around here who needs me processing evidence. I'm the only one here, you know?'' Abby snapped.

''Maybe you should accept that job offer, then.'' Gibbs said casually, biting back the surprise at her snapping at him.

''I can't believe you just said that to me.'' Abby replied, hurt evident on her face and in her voice. ''How can you think I would ever consider leaving? Sure, I got mad, but we are a family, we are allowed to be mad every once and a while. And yes, I get offers, but I never consider them. Any of them. Besides, it's not like I'm the only one of us who gets them.''

''Abigail!'' Tony suddenly spoke in a warning hard tone, making a point of her full name, having a feeling what she would reveal, but she continued, not paying him any mind.

''Tony gets them all the time.''

''Yeah, right.'' Ziva snorted, sharing a look with McGee, who rolled his eyes, smirking all the way.

From where he was standing, Tony was able to hear and see their reactions at Abby's words. He wasn't surprised to hear Ziva's snort, or seeing McGee smirking so openly and rolling his eyes, obviously not believing what Abby said. He was hurt, yes, because after working together for so many years one would think they would recognize his value, his input to the team. He should've known better. However, what hurt him the most, what almost broke his heart, what set him off, was the small quirk of Gibbs's lips.

And that was all it took. 

The fact that the very man who hired him, no, who begged him, to come and work with him, not for him, but with him, the man who shared his bed for years, thought of him as someone not worthy, someone who was less, someone who, apparently, didn't even deserved recognition for his work, or the job offers, boiled his blood to the point of no return. 

He was a good investigator, a good agent, a good undercover, and it was time for them to know.

His whole body stared to shake, his mind went blank. Anger, mixed with hurt, turned to fury in a matter of a second. He didn't even realize he took two long steps toward Gibbs, finding himself an inch apart from the silver-haired man.

''What?'' He snarled, his angry eyes boring into Gibbs'. ''You're surprised I get offers? Why, if I may ask? I have been working for NCIS for almost thirteen years, had been a cop for six. Graduated with flying colors from the Police Academy. But then again, who would ever want an agent who needs attitude adjustment and has NPD diagnose, right?''

Only his Marine training prevented Gibbs to take a step back, shocked to see such fury from Tony, and hearing those words. Truth was, when he heard Tony got job offers, his only thought was how happy he was that the young man didn't took them in consideration, staying with him instead. He was also shocked Tony knew about his, long time ago, comments he made about attitude adjustment and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. His shock must've been visible because Tony continued, answering his unspoken question.

''You of all people should know that nothing you say inside this building can stay a secret. There is always someone who can overhear. I guess I was wrong assuming that after all these years working my ass off, dealing with everything that was thrown at me, your moods, all the head-slaps, I had earned the right to be respected. I mean, them, I understand.'' He pointed at Ziva and McGee, who stood frozen on their spot, eyes wide from shock. ''After all, how could they not? Wasn't it you, before you took that little hiatus to Mexico, who told them not to respect me? What were your words? Oh yeah, 'you'll do'.''

''Tony...'' Gibbs recovered from the shock and tried to calm the man he loved, but Tony continued in the same rage.

''You'll do, Gibbs? And you thought they would respect me after that? Not only that I did that undercover assignment, I had to do their jobs as well, and atop of all that I was constantly reminded how I wasn't you! When I tried doing it my way, then there was 'That is not how Gibbs would've handle it.' Apparently, nothing what I do is ever good enough. Not for them, not for you. Guess what! I don't want to be you! Never did and never will!'' He practically screamed the last part.

/

Gibbs, and everyone else were too shocked to move. In her moment of clarity, when Tony snarled at Gibbs, with shaky fingers, Abby quickly dialed the Autopsy; hoping Ducky would come soon, before something bad happened. Tears were streaming down her face and she could only watch and pray. Because, she honestly thought Tony would kill Gibbs in his anger. She, like everyone else, didn't notice Ducky and Vance standing at the entrance of her lab, watching Tony's breakdown in front of them.

/

Ducky was having a quiet moment, drinking his tea in his office, after finishing the autopsy, when his phone started to ring. Before he could utter a word, he heard an unmistakable angry tone of a man he thought of as his son. Grabbing his medical bag, he rushed toward the elevator only for it to be open and Director Vance stepping out. 

One look at the ME told Vance something bad was happening and they both went up, toward Abby's lab. When they arrived, he wanted to rush in and separate the two agents, noticing the tension, but Ducky placed his hand on his arm and shook his head. The showdown was, apparently, necessary. Listening to Tony, he felt anger rising inside him. How could Jenny allowed that to happen? He knew about her blind revenge and the quest to find 'The Frog'. Hell, he was brought here to stop her. But this? Alongside anger, his heart was breaking at the amount of pain he felt from the young man.

/

Tony raged, not noticing the arrival of Vance and Ducky. ''After all the years I've worked my ass for you, you know what I got? Abby, putting a label on me with words 'In training'. McGee and Ziva coming late, leaving early, their reports not worthy the paper written on. Questioning my every word or order. Did I deserve that? After being shot in that container, did I deserve to be mocked that it was just a scratch when I had twenty stitches? On Chimera, did I deserve to be mocked by my fear of death by bio-weapon, or you telling me to shut the hell up? You were there when I had to fight for every breath I took! You were there! Have you any idea how many times I wished, no, prayed, for the pain to go away? Prayed for death to take me away? But I fought back. For you! For a promise you made! Because I foolishly believed in your promise of a happily ever after. If I had known then of your betrayal, if I had known that those kisses meant nothing to you...that I was only your fuck toy... But no, I'm obviously someone who is nothing, right? Someone who is a fool enough to believe...''

Gibbs saw the traitorous tears in Tony's eyes that the young man forced back, heard the crack of his voice... and his heart filled with dread. Everything that happened, everything that was happening was his fault. And he didn't know what to do, or what to say to make things better. He felt anger toward the trio who were in the room, hearing what was happening while he was gone, even while he was here. He cursed his own stupidity inwardly. How did he miss all that? He didn't care that their relationship, if that was the right word for it, was now in the open. He whispered Tony's name again, but either he didn't hear him, or didn't want to hear him, so he tried again, this time a bit louder.

''Tony... Please...'' Gibbs was by now pleading, something he hadn't ever done, but for Tony... He was desperate and afraid...

For a moment, it seemed that that desperate tone worked because Tony blinked and the shaking stopped. But, only for a moment. Tony couldn't remember the last time Gibbs called him by his first name, it was always DiNozzo. However, the anger returned, tenfold. He couldn't stop the words and everything he kept inside to come out. He wanted to hurt them, wanted for all of them to feel what he felt for so long. Too long.

''Oh, no! I haven't even started yet, Special Agent Gibbs! You want to know why I don't drink? Because I don't want to be anything like that...that..scum who does nothing but lie and cheat. And you all fell for it. For his false charm. But, that is not important. I don't want to waste my words and breath on him. What IS important is that you backing me NOW, is too little, too late. You should've said that before you choose to leave for your little siesta, leaving me with them!

When we were doing voice samples in Royal Woods, did I deserve to be left without a backup for two hours, if not more, because those two were tired of hearing my voice and they turned off the microphone? When Ziva had that dinner, did any of you wonder why I wasn't there? Guess what, I wasn't even invited. On a team party. But, like every time, I choose not to dwell on that. Pushing the hurt away. I already knew where my place is. On the back of your shoe!''

''That's not true, Tony!'' Gibbs argued, then said the word he thought would help. ''I love you! Have been for years. In fact, there's something you should...''

At that Tony snorted bitterly. ''Love? What love? Out of the two of us, I was the one who fell in love with you. And let you use me for years for your stress release. Maybe, maybe at the beginning, had I felt, thought you could love me back, but not anymore. Not for a looooong time. If you had loved me, you wouldn't have treated me the way you did. You don't abandon the people you love and you did exactly that. You wouldn't compare me with a serial killer! You don't know the meaning of the word love. Actions speak louder than words, Gibbs!''

''Tony...'' Gibbs tried again, reaching for Tony, grabbing his wrist.

Couple of things happened in the next moment. 

Felling a touch from Gibbs on his hand, Tony, in one fast and swift move ripped away from it while his other hand connected with Gibbs' nose.

A loud crack sound was heard as Gibbs stumbled backwards, barely managing not to fall down. 

Abby screamed.

Ducky and Vance rushed toward Tony, holding his shaking body in place.

Ziva and McGee rushed toward Gibbs.

''Don't touch me! Never again!'' Tony hissed through his teeth, his eyes filled with all the anger he repressed for years. 

''Tony, please...'' Gibbs begged, shaking Ziva and McGee off, his eyes on the young man he loved, and now, as it seemed, loosing forever.

''Shhhhh, calm down, Anthony.'' Ducky spoke gently, rubbing his back with tenderness, feeling the tension in the younger man, then, after a few moments, felt the tension draining away.

Ducky and Leon shared a worried look, not knowing what to do. Even knowing that this breaking was necessary, it broke their heart. Apparently, it was brewing for years. Ducky looked at his oldest friend and saw the pain in his blue eyes. But he was certain it wasn't from the broken nose...no, it was from the pain in Jethro's heart. Finally, after a couple of minutes, but for the ones in the lab it seemed much longer, Tony visibly calmed, throwing a grateful look at Ducky and Leon. He seemed thoughtful as if debating with himself over something.

Decision made, Tony looked at the four people who hurt him the most, wanting to hurt them back. ''Do you know what day was yesterday?'' He asked suddenly, his voice sounding defeated, empty, desolated. But, there was also a hint of anger in it as well. When no one uttered a word, he snide without a mercy. ''Come on! Abby, you must've remembered! I mean, you always claimed she was your friend. Or you, Gibbs. You were there when it happened. Or you, Ziva...the reason you came here. After all, you killed your own brother not a few days later.'' He taunted, watching as the realization dawned on their faces. ''Yes. Exactly ten years ago Kate died. And not a single one of you remembered. You stopped visiting her grave about two years after. You all forgotten about her, like she didn't even exist. Not to mention Pacci or Paola. Guess what? I can't forget! I can still feel her blood on my face. I can still see Pacci lying there in that elevator, his gut open. I can still hear that bomb going off...'' Tony shook his head, trying to wipe away the images that swirled in his mind. ''I can't help to wonder how soon you would've stop going to my grave if I was the one Ari shot that day. I'm guessing a couple of days. But then again, I was the wrong gender, right Ziva? After all, Eli David needed a woman to be replaced so you could infiltrate into NCIS. No, don't give me that look. I knew from the start why you were here and all your actions in the beginning. Those secrets you sent to your father were bogus, I made sure of that.''

Ziva gulped in fear. It was true, She did sent some information to her father, but that was before she got to know the people she worked with, it was before she started to like living in America. And now, she was afraid she would be sent away, back to Israel. But, mostly, she was afraid of that hard look Tony was giving her. She could’ve never imagined that the easy going man could look at her with murder in his eyes. She didn't know this person in front of her. And she was afraid. Not for her life, no, but for her future. She knew the punishment for treason. She noticed the shock on the Director's face and knew her future was sealed. She didn't want to lose her freedom, didn't want to lose her new family. Because that was what they were. A family. How could she have been so wrong about Tony? She pegged him a playboy, a joker, an overgrown child...and he was anything but. She tried not to tremble under those hard green eyes of his.

''You accused me once to be jealous of Rivkin, remember?'' Tony continued, now focusing on Ziva. She didn't say anything... couldn't. Instead, she let his words lash on her, barely holding back the tears that threatened. ''Want to know my true feelings? I hate you.'' He said snidely. ''Because of you and your family the most beautiful person is dead. My sister is dead. And even though it wasn't you who pulled that trigger, her blood is on your hands. On your soul. I just can't imagine how you can live with yourself. But then again, it was all part of the great plan, wasn't it? Ari kills Kate, and you kill him so that Gibbs, thankful for saving his life that night, offers you the job in MCRT so you can report back to your daddy dearest. Am I right?''

Knowing that the truth was out, she gave a tiny nod. ''In the beginning yes, but...'' She tried, but Tony didn't let her.

''But then you started to like living here. Liked the freedom.'' He guessed, and she nodded again.

''I told my father I didn't want to do it, I swear.'' Ziva tried to justify herself, but Tony waved his hand away, not interested. Suddenly, she saw a flash of triumph passing through his eyes.

''Did you know he offered me a job? As his right man? Me? A 'dead weight' as you phrased it once, as I recall.'' He asked bitterly. ''I actually laughed at his face.''

''No! He would never...'' Ziva said in disbelief.

''Oh really?'' Tony asked, then pulled his cell phone, dialed the number and put it on the speaker.

''Agent DiNozzo! What a pleasant surprise.'' A voice of Eli David was heard after a second ring.

''Director David.'' Tony greeted pleasantly. ''I apologize if I'm interrupting anything.''

''Nonsense. I'm actually having a nice time in between meetings. What can I do for you?''

''Well, I'm having a conversation with your daughter and I accidentally told about your offer but she doesn't believe me, so maybe you could prove her otherwise.'' Tony said with his most polite tone, but Eli must have heard something underneath.

''She doesn't, does she? I'm not surprised. Can you put her on the phone?'' Eli asked.

''Actually, you are on the speaker, and here is also Director Vance. Like I said, we are having a pleasant conversation.''

''Shalom Eli.'' Leon Vance greeted his friend, barely managing to force back the surprise over the sudden change in Tony. He acted like he had no worries in his life, like nothing had happened. He wasn't the only one. Everyone were stunned, listening and watching in silence. It proved to him, once again, that Tony had a great future ahead of him. A future he, Tom Morrow, and the Director of the FBI, Ric Clarkson, often spoke of.

''Shalom, my friend.'' Eli David greeted back.

''Abba?'' Ziva asked, her confusion and hurt visible in her voice.

''So? You don't believe Agent DiNozzo about my job offer? I thought I taught you better that that. It is true. He would be a great asset. Leon, you are fortunate in having him.'' Eli said.

''I agree.'' Leon smiled, looking at Tony, who blushed at the praise, but refused to say anything.

''Is that all you wanted to talk with me?'' Eli asked. '' I apologize, but I do have a meeting in ten minutes...''

''Of course. I will talk to you tomorrow.'' Leon said. ''Shalom.''

''Shalom, my friend. Agent DiNozzo.''

''Director David.'' Tony said, then put his phone back into his pocket. ''You believe me now?'' He asked, looking at Ziva with glee. ''Hell, I have a whole box full of offers in my locker. Do I need to show you that too?''

''No. I believe you.'' Ziva said, lowering her eyes.

''That would be a first.'' Tony mumbled, then turned his eyes to McGee, who was quiet like a mouse. ''And you, McGee, Mister MIT-Big-Famous-Publisher. After everything we've been through, stabbing me in the back repeatedly was the last thing I've expected from you. You seemed to forget who was behind you after you shoot that cop, who helped you to become the agent you're now, who help you deal with Kate's death...'' Tony said, his last words a bit shaky, and his eyes focusing on the man he thought was a friend. 

When the other agent, filled with guilt didn't say a word, Tony shook his head then looked Leon straight into his eyes. ''I'm done. Either you transfer me or I quit.'' With one last look full of disgust at the four people who hurt him the most, he started to leave the lab.

However, Leon was a smart man and spoke for the first time since he came down here. ''Agent DiNozzo. Wait for me in my office and tell Agent Balboa to take over this case.''

Tony turned around and nodded, then blinked a few times in confusion. Because he would swear on his mother's grave that, for one short second, he saw Kate, sitting on the table, wearing a white dress, her brown hair pulled up in a ponytail, and her face wet with tears. He shook his head one more time, clearing his mind, then left, his head high.

Watching Tony leave, Gibbs knew he had lost him. Lost every chance to be happy again. It was only a matter of days before the young agent would ask for a transfer or resigning from NCIS altogether. Hell, he had said it already, but he hoped Leon would talk him out of it. But, then again, who would've blamed Tony for wanting to leave? Certainly not him. After all, there was only so much one could take. And Tony had taken a lot. From him, from the team. He had wronged him. Everything that Tony just said in his anger was the truth. He hadn't been a good friend, or a good boss, or a good partner for a very long time. Even before he lost his memories.

His heart gave one last tug... hoping... pleading for a miracle. He wasn't a praying kind of a man, he had lost that ability when Shannon and Kelly were killed, but he was praying now. 

 

Ducky was treating Gibbs' nose when Leon spoke again, but this time, his voice was hard. ''Is what Agent DiNozzo said true? You two dared to treat your superior agent that way, and leaving him without backup? I would have thought that the two of you would know about the chain of command by now.'' Seeing a calculated look on Ziva and McGee, he added harshly. ''No! Don't even try to lie, because I KNOW that what he had accused you is the truth. As of this moment you are suspended and under IA investigation. After they are done with you, there will be no agency that will want to hire you. And that is if you don't end up in jail. Now, go upstairs and clean your desks. Get the hell out of my sight!''

''Leon.'' Gibbs stopped him when he started to leave. ''Don't let him go. He is the best agent this agency has. You can't let him quit.''

''Don't worry. I know exactly who Agent DiNozzo is and what he can be if he chooses.'' He answered cryptically. ''Every damn director of the alphabet soup is calling me about him. Even the SECNAV is interested.'' After a moment, he asked with a small smirk on his lips. ''How's the nose?''

''Fine. I'll live.'' Gibbs grumbled. ''I've had worse. Although, he can pull quite a punch.''

''All done.'' Ducky added, putting the stuff back into his medical bag.

''Gibbs?'' Abby suddenly spoke and all three men turned to her. ''I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt him. The 'in training' label was a joke, I swear. You know I would never hurt him on purpose, he is like a big brother to me...''

''But you did hurt him. We all did. I the most. And it is not me you should say that. Only, the way he is feeling now, I would suggest for you to wait a day or two for him to calm down.'' 

While Gibbs and Abby talked, Leon took a moment to let Cynthia, his secretary, know she could let Tony into his office. He was once again stopped by Gibbs on his way out. 

''Wait, Leon. I need to talk to you.''

The three men entered the elevator and Gibbs pressed the emergency stop button. What he needed to say called for discretion and he knew he could count on both Ducky and Leon. And, in the same time, hoping they would help him in getting Tony back.

''There's something you should know.'' He started awkwardly. ''Early this morning, I had a flashback, a memory of sorts, since I haven't fully regained it all, and it concerned Tony.'' At the raised eyebrow, he took a deep breath and said the words. ''Apparently, Tony and I are married.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, am I evil or what? *giggles* I hope the confrontation was met with your expectations. The truth is, I hadn't meant to add the part about them being married in the first three drafts I wrote, it was supposed to be a part of another story I'm planning to write, after this one is finished. (A canon-ish version of every episode, or should I say, a crossover with the TVD, alongside a little dark prequel of Tony's life pre NCIS). But, my muse was adamant so I caved. I had to re-read what I wrote so far at least a dozen times to decide when the event could've happen. Can you guess who is my least favorite person in the show by this chapter? *grin* I've also added a few OC's that will appear in the future. Any thought what future should be for McGee and Ziva?
> 
> I would also like to thank all of you who had patiently waited for this chapter and I hope it didn't disappoint you. Next chapter will be posted in a week or two. I promise.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please tell me your thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you know how I said the 5x7 'Requiem' episode will be in this chapter?? Ummm, not yet apparently. Think of this chapter as an appetizer before the main course. Vance, Tobias and Senior wanted their own chapter....
> 
> I've added a few more OC's that will appear in the future.
> 
> Judging by the response over the last chapter, both here and on ff.net, it is 50-50 for Tony/Gibbs staying together and Tony leaving altogether. So, to avoid any miscommunication. In this story Tony and Gibbs WILL BE together in the end, but we are still very far from the HEA (happily ever after) - I'm thinking about max 15 chapters for this piece.   
> HOWEVER, I do plan to write an AU of this story, depending on how everything will go with the H50 crossover part, with Tony/Steve pairing. Slash, of course! I mean, did you expect any other kind from me? *grin* (It will be for all of you who wanted Tony with someone else and leave everything behind)
> 
> Now that everything is clear, let’s continue. Enjoy, it's a long one!

Chapter 6

Tobias C Fornell sat in his office with a gloom expression on his face. He just finished his conversation with the man who was going to investigate Senior. Even in his mind he refused to call that scum by his name. The first thing he did when he arrived to work was finding his black book that had the number of a man who did the dirty part of this job. Alan Mathews was an old friend of his from college. Instead of joining him with the FBI, Alan decided to work in the gray area. Finding pieces and evidences, that Tobias couldn't get legally. It was a risky thing for Tobias, but Alan never crossed the line going to the darkness. Also, it was a good thing having eyes and ears on the street. And, having a PI office as a legit job on the side. He was one of the best, making sure to double check everything.

FLASHBACK

''You have a job for me, TC?'' Alan answered after a third ring.

''Yeah, I sure do. You working on something or you're free?''

''I'm just finishing one job. It will be done in about a couple of days. So, who's the target?''

''Anthony DiNozzo Senior. I want you to find everything on him. And around him. From the moment he took his first breath till now. And I mean everything. No matter the time or cost. And you answer only to me.'' Tobias said, not able to surpass a growl saying the bastard's name.

''Ooookay.'' Alan drawled, surprised to hear hate in Tobias' voice. ''I guess this is personal.''

‘‘Very personal.''

''Wait, does this man has something in common with that boy you often talk about? Tony, wasn't it? The one you're trying to convince to work with you? Every time we meet, it is always Tonio this, Tonio that.'' Alan joked.

''Yes, that scum is his father.'' Tobias answered. ''Listen, a lot has happened and I will tell you everything when we grab a bite in the near future, I just wanted for you to start working on him. Like I've said, no matter the cost. It will come from my pocket.''

''Ah, TC, you know I don't worry about money when I work for you.'' Alan sighed. 

''I know. I just wanted you to know, that for the time being, this is an unofficial investigation.''

''No worries. Se you soon.''

''Bye.''

END OF THE FLASHBACK

Tobias looked at the stacks of papers scattered all over his office and sighed tiredly. 'When did this job start to be more about paperwork than catching the bad guys?' He was literally drowning in papers. His eyes landed on the picture frame he had on his desk holding two pictures, and smiled. Pictures of a happy family. On one was him with Emily and Tony, next to a lion cage at the zoo, and on the other one were three of them with Diane, sitting on the grass in the park. He remembered that day with a smile and a warm feeling around his heart. Diane was the one who took the first picture and the second some woman they asked. They were trying to make another try at their relationship and after an awkward beginning, it turned to be a beautiful day, for all four of them. Full with laughter.

FLASHBACK

Tony had, yet again, spend the night at his house, tired of Ziva and McGee, and trying to join back in the game after returning from being Agent Afloat, but he didn't say anything to Tobias. Didn't have to. Tobias could see it in his eyes. After that night when he first brought the young drunk man to his house, Tony often sought his company and solace. Tobias was glad he was able to help him. Emily, in her own childish way, helped a lot. For a man who was awkward around children, Tony and Emily hit it off from the very first moment, to his most surprise.

They were drinking coffee and eating breakfast when they heard the doorbell ring. Before Tobias could say anything, Emily squealed happily and rushed to open the door. It was when he saw Diane he remembered their plan for today. A day at the zoo. Both Tony and Diane were awkward around each other, and Tobias would swear he saw a small blush on the young man's face. Somehow, Emily managed to convince Tony to join them. Seeing how happy Emily was with Tony, Diane smiled and said it was okay. After a while, Tony relaxed and even joked. Emily held his hand the whole walk, pointing and dragging Tony all over the zoo, while he and Diane walked casually behind them. 

''He is a nice man. I can see why Emily likes him.'' Diane commented at one point, and Tobias smiled. 

''That he is.''

Diane was silent for a moment, and he could see she was debating with herself over something. ''You seem to like him very much too.''

''He is like a son I never had. There's something that draws me to him. I don't know how to explain it. But, from the moment I met him, I felt connected to him in some way. And the more I got to know him, that connection grew. He is having a rough time right now and even though he is a man who would rather suffer in silence, he is reaching out to me. I can't help to feel humble about that.'' Tobias explained.

It was the truth. He genuinely liked Tony. Liked his humor, his witty comments. His obvious strength. He remembered the first day he met the young agent. It was the day Gibbs and Tony also met Agent Todd, working on a joined case. He was angry and surprised they outmaneuvered him, Tony hiding in the body bag, and how they managed to hijack the President plane, and with it, the case.. Then was the case when Tony was framed as a murderer. He was there when Gibbs brought him pizza and he listened to their talk, appalled at how Tony played the prosecution against himself to a fault, bringing all of his bad traits in the open. 

Working on the case, he had to investigate Tony's past, and what he saw, he didn’t like. It was obvious the young man was abused as a child, losing his mother at the tender age of eight. He had seen the medical records, well, a part of it, anyway because there were parts that were missing or sealed. There was no reason, not even if he was clumsy, which he suspected Tony was anything but, for being in a hospital four to five times a month, unless he was beaten to death. He couldn't help to wonder why no one took an effort to move the boy from the DiNozzo household. But, then again, Senior was a rich man with a lot of connections. 

During the last decade, Tobias made sure he was the one to work on the joined cases with the NCIS, knowing he would see the young man in action. He had seen and watched in silent proudness how Tony grew from a young green cop to a smart, outstanding agent he was now. And yes, he was proud of him. Then he watched the breakdown, and his heart cried.

He remembered that one night when he got a call that froze him, while Gibbs was in Mexico. How he rushed to the hospital, only to find Tony nearly on his deathbed. His wounds were severe, and they needed someone to authorize the operation. He still couldn't believe Tony asked for him. Until then Gibbs was listed as his next of kin, but from that night that privilege and responsibility was Tobias'.

''It's about Jethro, isn't it?'' Diane asked, shaking him from the memory lane he was in, then seeing shock on Tobias' face, laughed. ''Oh, come on! The moment I saw him I've recognized the signs. He is in love with him. And during that case we worked together, I saw Jethro glancing at him from time to time. There was something in his eyes. He never looked at me that way while we were together.''

It was time for Tobias to be silent for a moment, then he asked. ''You don't mind?''

''Why would I? I'm over him and I'm happy he has found someone he could love. And Tony is a good man. An overgrown child the way he is acting right now with Emily.'' She added with a laugh.

After the zoo, they went to a meadow near by and had a picnic. A little snack before lunch. The way Tony and Emily were chasing each other and rolling on the grass made both Diane and Tobias laugh. They were still laughing when Tony came and dropped on the blanket next to them, breathing heavily.

''You okay there, Tonio?'' Tobias asked, between laughs.

''You know, I'm not as young as I look.'' Tony answered, wiggling his eyebrows.

''Hmmm, maybe I should tell Leon to order another physical for you.'' Tobias pretended to think aloud, but Tony could see the twitch on the corner of his lips.

''You wouldn't.'' Tony mocked hurt. ''Besides, the regular doctor who does my tests likes me.''

''Oh, really?'' Diane laughed. ''The doctor is a female, I suppose, right?''

''Yup.''

''Tonio! What are you doing here lying down? We're not done playing yet.'' Emily asked, looking sternly at Tony, her hands placed on her hips, causing both Tobias and Diane chuckling softly.

''Oh, come on, Ems!'' Tony whined. ''These old bones need rest. How about we rest for a while, then eat this delicious food your dad bought. After lunch I will chase after you again and after that I will take you all to the place that has the best cakes in town. How about it, princess?''

''Fine, old bones.'' Emily sighed dramatically, then sat between Tony's legs.

''Oh, you little drama queen minks.'' Tony laughed then started tickling her, causing Emily to squeal in laughter.

Watching the duo, Tobias and Diane laughed so hard it brought tears to their eyes. Noticing the woman with a child that was walking near by, Diane called her to come over and asked to take a picture of them together, which she did with a smile and a comment of how beautiful family they made. It brought a smile to Tobias' face hearing that.

They WERE a family.

It goes without saying, but for the rest of the day, Emily called Tony 'old bones'.

END OF THE FLASHBACK

Tobias Googled the name of the man he hated with all his heart and after finding a picture of a smiling man, a smile that looked fake even on the picture, obviously taken on one of his meetings, growled.

''No one hurts one of mine, you bastard. You will pay for everything you've done to my Tonio, I promise.''

He wondered what his surrogate son was doing right now.

/

Tony flipped the emergency switch after the elevator door closed behind him, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down his emotions as well as shaking hands. He couldn't believe he had let his guard down, breaking down like that in front of everyone. Part of him felt terrible for the consequences that will, no doubt, reach Ziva, McGee and Abby after everything he had revealed, but part of him cared less. 

Finally, emotions and hands under control, he flipped the switch back on and waited for the elevator to reach the floor where the bullpen was. He was shocked upon a loud applause that erupted the moment he step a foot in the orange room. Stunned, he looked around, then behind him, not realizing the applause was for him.

''Well done, Tony!'' Agent Balboa smiled.

''What? How...?'' Tony stammered.

''We have waited for years for you to grow a pair and put those two where they belong.'' Balboa answered. Seeing the confusion on Tony's face, he elaborated. ''DelMarco needed something from Abby and when he heard raised voices and seeing all of you there in her lab, he called Tarrin to hack into the lab. We weren't disappointed. That punch you threw at Gibbs was magnificent.''

Tony groaned and looked at the smirking men and women around him and groaned again. It was just his bad luck it was DelMarco who went down. The man was the definition of the word 'blabbermouth'. Then he realized the whole situation and blushed bright red.

''So, now you all know about...''

''You and Gibbs?'' Balboa finished. ''Man, we've known for years. Or suspected. No one here gives a damn. 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was reapplied years ago, and even if it wasn't, NCIS is not a military agency.''

''I don't know what to say.'' Tony said, overwhelmed with acceptance. 

''Don't have to say anything.'' Agent Sarah Richardson said from her desk and added with a smile. ''Just accept you have good friends here who actually have your back.''

''Thanks, Sarah.'' Tony said, then turned to Balboa and his team and smirked. ''Now, even though I know you love cold cases, I have a current one for you.''

He was efficiently typing on his computer, transferring the data to Balboa's and explaining him everything, when the whole bullpen went quiet with the arrival of Ziva and McGee. Tony didn't bother to even look at them. While cleaning his desk, McGee saw the speed Tony was typing and frowned. Balboa noticed and snorted.

''Who do you think did the computer work before you joined his team? Gibbs?''

''Tony...'' McGee tried to make amends, but Tony cut him off, standing up.

''I made a mistake thinking of you as my friend. That won't happen again.''

''It didn't take you too long to tell everyone, did it?'' Ziva spoke in a sudden anger.

''He didn't have to.'' Sarah answered before Tony could utter a word. ''We had a live feed and we heard and saw everything. Including your confession of espionage. Why don't you leave and go to your daddy dearest. Unlike you and McGee here, we actually have his back, and no one here would ever even think of doing the things the two of you done.''

Ziva send her a murderous glare and stomped toward the stairwell, a subdued McGee following her with his head down.

''Good riddance!'' A couple of agents yelled after them, and Tony shook his head.

''That was unnecessary, but I thank you nevertheless.''

Not having anything to do here anymore, Tony took two steps a time toward the director's office and greeted Chyntia on the way, who gave him a thumbs up. He shook his head and entered the office, closing the door behind him, sighing tiredly. This wasn't how he planed to spend the day. Breaking down in front of everyone, letting his guard and walls down, especially announcing his relationship with Gibbs. 'Relationship? What relationship?' He snorted. 

Then a thought started nagging on him. Why was Senior here after more than two decades? He obviously came to see him. But for what purpose? Tony doubted he came solely to see him. No, Senior had to have a reason. The last time he saw him was when he categorically declined the offer of working in DiNozzo Enterprise, opting to go to the Police Academy instead. After Brad Pitt, the doctor, not the actor, (he chuckled at the common reference), broke his knee and in that action broke every dream he had of becoming a professional football player, he was in a bad place for a while. He even contemplated ending his life, after endless physical therapy, when a sudden visit changed his life forever. 

It was fate that Danny was on the stadium when he played his last game. Just as it was fate that brought them together the first time when he was a mere kid. Danny told him he had searched for him for over two months, finally finding him in one of the local hospitals in Philadelphia... hurt, physically and mentally broken...and utterly alone.

That day, for the second time, Danny Williams and his family saved his life.

Shaking his head, trying to clear his mind, Tony focused on the present issue. Why did Anthony DiNozzo Senior come to see him after all these years? Because Tony had nothing to offer him. Senior wanted and needed only one thing in his life. Money.

Realization hit him as a lighting bolt. Feeling bold, he sat on Leon Vance's chair and after a quick search on his mobile phone, dialed a number he had in it, using the director's line.

'''Wallice and Wallice''' A voice of a young woman greeted him on the other line.

''Hi. This is Tony DiNozzo speaking. Is Mr. Wallice available? I really need to speak with him.'' Tony asked politely.

''Of course, Mr. DiNozzo. I will re-direct your call directly to him. Good day.''

''Thank you.''

''Kevin Wallice.''

''Mr. Wallice. This is Tony DiNozzo.''

''Tony, my boy! How are you? I haven't heard from you in years.''

''I'm fine, thank you. How are you?'' Tony answered with a smile. 

He liked the older man the moment he saw him a few years ago when he called him about a trust fund his mother left for him. A trust fund Senior never knew about. Until now, apparently. Kevin Wallice was an old friend of the Paddington family, inheriting the office from his late father, who also worked as the Paddington’s lawyer.   
Tony was shocked to the bone when he got a call a few days after his fortieth birthday to come to their office. Not knowing what to expect he listened in utter bewilderment what his mother left for him. Apart from two villas in Italy, she left him a little more than two million dollars in bonds and shares and 1.8 million dollars on an account for him to spend freely. If he didn't want to work, he didn't have to. He had enough to live for the rest of his life. But, locking down criminals behind bars was his calling, he didn't think twice.

They exchanged pleasantries, and just about when he wanted to ask about Senior, Vance entered his office and simply raised an eyebrow. Tony blushed as he was sitting on his chair like he belonged there and made a move to rise, but Vance simply waved him off and sat on the couch, shamelessly listening to the conversation and watching the young men.

''Listen, Mr. Wallice, the reason I'm calling is this. Did by any chance Senior come to see you regarding the trust fund?''Tony finally asked the question that bugged him.

''As a matter of fact, he did. About two, three months ago.'' Kevin Wallice answered, frowning, then rushed to assure Tony. ''But, rest assured, I haven't told him anything. The Paddington family was strict about not telling DiNozzo Senior about the fund. However, I got a feeling he somehow knew. I mean, why would he come here after all those years.''

''I see.'' Tony rubbed his forehead. ''I suppose he somehow learned about the money because he came to my work a few days ago, after not speaking to me for over twenty years.'' Then, a thought occurred. ''Did, by any chance, something happen after his visit? Like a burglary, or something similar? Something that was suspicious?'''

''Why, yes. About a month ago, we found a broken back door, but since nothing seemed stolen, we thought it was a vandalism. But, I did filed a report to the police, nevertheless. Do you think Senior had something to do about it?''

''I wouldn't put that past him. Look, I want you to triple the security around the office and stay alert of anything suspicious. If necessary, take the money from my account. Although, I have a feeling he already hacked into your computer and found everything he was looking for.''

''Very well. I will do as you say. I will also send you the receipt of how much was spend.''

''Send it to Tobias Fornell. He is listed as my next of kin and has the power of attorney. I was also thinking of coming to you over the next few days to update my will and add arrangements if something happens to me.''

''Looking forward to seeing you, my boy.''

''Likewise. Be careful, Mr. Wallice. See you soon.'' Tony said, ending the call.

''Why don't you join me for a drink, Agent DiNozzo.'' Vance spoke as he stood and walked toward the liquor cabinet, taking a bottle of the finest scotch and two glasses, then returned back to the couch.

Tony sat across him and warily eyed the glass on the table. ''Is this your gentle way of saying I'm fired?''

''Now, why would I want to fire one of my best agents?'' Vance replied, hiding his grin behind the glass, seeing a small blush forming on the young man face. ''Drink. You need it.''

''Well, I did hit Gibbs.''

''I didn't see anything.'' Vance shrugged his shoulders.

''That won't do you any good. The whole Yard knows it by now.'' At Vance's raised eyebrow, he elaborated. "Agent DelMarco was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time and after seeing us down there, he was kind enough to let everyone here know. They had a live feed.'' Tony grumbled, but Vance could see it was a good naturally. ''This is good stuff.'' Tony added, taking a sip.

''I was saving it for special occasions.'' Vance said, then frowned. ''No one gave you any trouble, did they?''

''No. They applauded me. Agent Balboa even said they knew or suspected about Gibbs and me.''

Seeing the slight bewilderment on Tony, Vance smiled softly. ''They don't work here because of their looks, Agent DiNozzo. Neither do you. Were you serious about quitting?''

''I don't know. Only thing I do know is that I can't work with them anymore. Maybe I should take a couple of days off. I have a lot on my mind right now.'' Tony sighed, twirling the liquor in his hand.

''Does this have anything to do with the phone call you just made?'' Vance asked, curious.

Tony was silent for a long moment, debating with himself. He looked at Vance, searching for anything in his eyes that could hurt him. He was a closed off person, sure, he talked a lot, but nothing personal. Only Gibbs, Ducky and Fornell knew parts of his life. Parts he was willing to share. However, he had a feeling he could trust Leon Vance.

''Just when I turned forty, a few years back, I got a phone call from an attorney office that worked for years for my mother's family. Apparently, my mother left me quite a sum of money that I knew nothing about. There was a clause in her will that they notify me after I turn forty. I guess, she was thinking I would be wiser.'' He chuckled, and Vance smiled.

''How much money, I you don't mind me asking?'

''Now, a little bit over 6 million dollars.''

''Wow. That is quite a lot.'' Vance softly whistled. ''So? The phone call?'' 

''That is the only reason I could think of why Senior was here. I haven't heard or seen him for over twenty years. I don’t know how, but he must've learned somehow about it. Kevin, the attorney, told me he was there about two, three months ago, asking about the money. And a month ago someone broke into the office. It is too much of a coincidence.''

''You know what Gibbs would say.'' Vance said, processing everything he heard.

''Yes. There is no such thing as a coincidence.'' Tony recited the common rule. ''So, as you've heard, I told Kevin to triple the security.''

''What about your apartment? If he was the one who broke in there, don't you think he could do the same again?'' Vance asked worriedly.

''Other than the piano, TV, the DVD collection and Kate, the fish, I have nothing of value there. Everything is in a safe in the Navy Bank near Pentagon, and Fornell has the key and my authorization, if something happens to me.'' Then he smirked. ''Besides, that is not the only apartment I have. I have five more, scattered around town, as well as a couple of cars that are locked in various garages. Not to mention at least twenty alias identities, if I need to lay low.''

Vance was stunned hearing that. And a bit proud. Then he smirked back. ''Don't tell me, you also have routes where to drive if someone was tailing you.''

''Of course. If there is anything I've learned in our line of work is the importance of a quick getaway."

Tony was surprised at the situation he was in. It felt comfortable to talk with Vance. Like they were friends of sorts. Not until now had he known how he missed this casual, easy conversation. Sure, he also talked to Fornell, but with him, it was like talking to a dad, or so he thought that was how he would talk to a father figure. Not that he had much experience in that area. The closes thing to a dad, well, except Tobias Fornell, was Zack Williams, Danny's father. And that was years ago. 

''Why do you look so surprised?'' Vance asked and Tony scratched the back of his head.

''It's just...it feels strange talking to you like this. I mean, you are the Director. I'm just an agent who works for you. And you also seem okay with Gibbs and me being together. Or, were together. I don't know what we are anymore.''

''You can be so much more than just an agent. Do you know what I thought seeing you on that chair? I thought you belong there. You're one of the best this agency has to offer.''

''Me?'' Tony squealed in surprise.

''Yes. You. I see how much you work, the way you communicate with people, once you stop fooling around.'' He chuckled, letting the young agent know he was joking. ''I see how smart you are. And to answer your other question. I'm no bigot. What you do after you leave this building that is your business. Unless it interferes your work. So far, I haven't seen anything.''

''But...''

''If you mean what happened today or yesterday, I will chalk it to your level of stress. It was overdue because you didn't deal with it, and you still haven't. I understand it was the tenth anniversary of Agent Todd's death, and as you said, she was like a sister to you, but what I do not understand is why you still, or why you ever did, feel guilty. Nor hers, nor Agent Pacci, nor Agent Cassidy, and especially Jenny Sheppard deaths are your fault. You are allowed to miss them, but that guilt because you're alive and they are not, has no place in your heart. You have to let them go, or all this unnecessary and unjustified guilt you feel and carry in your heart, will eat you alive. Trust me, I've been there. I'm not saying to forget about them, but don't do that should've-would've-could've game your mind is playing.'' Seeing the tears in Tony's eyes, he knew he was getting to him and he pressed harder. ''Do you know why I've send you to be Agent Afloat?''

''Because I screw up.'' Tony mumbled.

Vance rolled his eyes. He couldn't understand how a smart person like Tony could be so insecure. ''No, I've send you because you needed to get away. I saw that haunted look you had in your eyes that day, the same haunted look I've seen a couple of times. You want to know what happened to those people? They ended up dead. Should've-would've-could've drew a few of my friends to the dark place. They either drawn themselves in alcohol or they ate a bullet. Agent Fornell was the one who suggested the position after he picked you up from the bar. And only after talking to Dr. Mallard, a man who knows your state of mind the best, not only because he is your doctor, but because he is your friend, who agreed it was the best solution for you, had I made up my mind.'' Seeing the hurt in his eyes, he continued. ''No, don't thing they betrayed you. They thought it was in your best interest. Can you honestly say that you wouldn't be dead right now if you had stayed here?''

Tony was silent for a long time, thinking over everything Vance said. He knew he was right, but he also knew it would be awhile before he would simply miss them and not feel guilty. He thought of that night when Fornell caught him drinking. He remembered how he thought about ending it all. The same suicidal emotion that entered his mind the night before, up on the roof. He thought what would Kate, Pacci, Paola or Jenny say if they could see him now. Kate would start one of hers righteous monologues about guilt and whatnot, Pacci would kick his ass for ever thinking like that, as well as Paola who would also tell him he needed to get laid. That life was too short. Jenny...He wasn't sure what she would say. He hoped she would've hugged him and said it wasn't his fault. 

Leon Vance watched the young agent and he could see every emotion in his green eyes. He let out a breath of relief when he saw acceptance and peace within the emerald orbs.

''I wish I could say that, but... I will work on the missing part without the guilt, though.'' Tony finally spoke, and Vance nodded.

''It's a start, at least.'' Vance sighed, then changed the subject. ''Why don't you and Fornell come to dinner to my house tonight. And if Emily is home, bring her too. My kids would love to play with her, and Jackie would love to see you.'' He suddenly added.

Suddenly smiling brightly, surprising Vance with the fast emotional flip-flop, Tony took the phone, dialed the familiar number, then put it on speaker. 

''What's wrong?'' Tobias asked instead of a hello.

''Why would you think something is wrong?'' Tony asked back.

''Well, you're calling in the middle of work.''

''Hmmph. I'm rolling my eyes right now at your assumption. I am about to skip work and head home a few hours earlier, but then I remembered you whining about paperwork so I was thinking of coming there to give you a hand. And also, Director Vance suggested we come to his house for dinner. Which is a good thing because I'm not in the mood for cooking or your version of Italian cuisine. I mean, what you do to the food should be illegal. Aren't you suppose to be part Italian?'' Tony joked, barely holding back a laugh.

''I'm deeply offended by everything you just said.'' Tobias said, pushing back the surprise of hearing Tony calling his house home. ''First of all, does the Director know you're skipping? And why would you do something like that? Secondly, please come and help me. I'm literally drowning here. Thirdly, I would love to come so tell Vance I accept the invitation. And lastly, I AM part Italian, and I DO cook well, thank you very much!'' Tobias growled the last part, sounding incredulous, which prompted Tony to burst in laughter.

Seeing how Tony wasn't in condition to talk anymore, due to the laugher, Vance rolled his eyes at the antics of the young agent and spoke. ''I will inform Jackie to add two extra plates, or three, if Emily will join us.''

''I was on speaker, wasn't I? Tell Jackie three then.'' Tobias sighed. 

''You still are. See you soon. Around eight?'' Vance said, shaking his head in amusement.

''You will pay for that and your remarks about my cooking, Tonio!'' Tobias growled.

''Oooohh, I’m shaking!'' Tony said between laughs. ''First you have to catch me, old man!''

''It wasn't me who Emily called 'old bones', now was it?'' Tobias said, then promptly hung up, wanting his to be the last one.

Finally subdued to small chuckles, Tony stood up, and looked at Vance. ''Thank you, Director Vance. For everything. For your words, for being here for me, for being a friend. I will never forget it.''

''You're welcome, Tony. If you ever need anything, my door is always open. Now, go and help Fornell with paperwork, and I'll see you at eight.''

Tony nodded, walked toward the door then turned around. ''I know you, Ducky and Fornell formed a friendship and you have the best interest at heart for me, so I'm just gonna tell you a little tip. I'm going to take a little detour to get Fornell something sweet with his coffee, so you can tell him what happened.''

''Sure, Tony. Now, go. The man needs you.'' Vance said with a fond smile on his lips. 

He did good today. He helped a person with demons, treaded him on the right path. When he accepted the position of the Director of NCIS, he never thought it would be like this. He thought that it would be for the best to distance himself from those who worked for him, solely giving orders, but life was strange. It brought Fornell, Ducky, Gibbs and Tony onto his path. His friends.

He sat on his chair and picked up the phone. First, Jackie to let her know about three additional guests. Then Fornell. In a short version, Tobias knew everything. Then he called Director David, where he had learned about Ziva pulling a gun at Tony. Another nail in her coffin. Then, at last, he called the IA. It was done. And he was suddenly tired. His mind replayed what he learned in the elevator. 

FLASHBACK

''Wait, Leon. I need to talk to you.''

He entered the elevator with Gibbs and Ducky and only after a couple of seconds, Gibbs pressed the emergency stop button. 

''There's something you should know.'' Gibbs started awkwardly. ''Early this morning, I had a flashback, a memory of sorts, since I haven't fully regained it all, and it concerned Tony.'' At Vance's raised eyebrow, he took a deep breath and said the words that shocked him. ''Apparently, Tony and I are married.''

''Excuse me?''

''We've been married for two years. I...'' Gibbs said then faltered.

''Oh, dear.'' Ducky murmured. ''I suppose the young lad doesn't know?''

''No. We've been pretty drunk that day, and it just happened.''

''And you want me to do what?'' Vance asked, narrowing his eyes at Gibbs.

''Just...Don't let him go, Leon.''

''The way you've been acting is what will eventually push him away. Get your act together, Gibbs. I'm telling you this as a friend. I'm not planning to get involved between you and DiNozzo, but it will be his choice whether he wants to stay here or leave. And as a Director, I will back him up in what ever he decides.''

Gibbs let out a low grumble, then asked. ''Leon? What is going to happen now?''

''Do you want me to answer that as a friend or as the Director?''

After a long moment, Gibbs sighed. ''As the Director.''

''I meant what I said. I will personally call the IA. David, McGee, and Miss Sciuto will be prosecuted. As I recall, you were here during that case. They will call you too, to give your statement.''

The conversation was over and the elevator started again. Leon suspected Gibbs wanted to see Tony right away. He was debating on how to say it wouldn't be a good idea, when Ducky spoke.

''Jethro, perhaps right now, while everything is still fresh, is not the right time to talk to dear Anthony. Let him calm a bit and it will also give you time to think how are you going to tell him about your marriage.''

Both Vance and Ducky could see that Gibbs wanted to refuse, but thankfully, the common sense prevailed. 

END OF THE FLASHBACK

The first thing Tobias did when he spotted Tony on the doorway of his office was walk toward him and pulled into an embrace. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was enough. Finished with the paperwork, well, at least the third of it, Tobias, Tony and Emily came to Vance's house after picking up the little girl, and had a great evening. Jackie made a fine dinner, and Tony made fun of Fornell's cooking. But, it was worth it, in Fornell's mind. Tonio, his boy was smiling. After dinner, Kayla and Emily pulled Tony to play with them and everyone laughed at Tony's panicked expression on his face. But, in the end, they had a good time.

In the other part of town, in his basement, Gibbs sat alone in the dark, adding tears into his Bourbon, thinking how he managed to screw up everything he touched. He was left alone, after he finally convinced Ducky to go to sleep in the spare bedroom, and that he would be fine. He even started debating with himself should he even tell Tony the truth. He definitively deserved better than the old and washed out Marine. But then again, Gibbs was selfish. He needed Tony. 

Snuggled in his room at Fornell's, Tony's thoughts went to Gibbs. He wondered what he was doing right now, did he even think of him. He hoped that now, when everything was out in the open, when Gibbs knew everything, they would make a clean start, no secrets, no deceptions. Because, in the end, he loved the grumpy Marine. Sure, he planned to make him crawl, but eventually, Tony knew he would forgive him everything.

How wrong he was. Because, only three days later, he found himself in Bethesda Hospital, loosing the fight for his life, his heart broken into small pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't throw things at me after this? It got out of hand, but I do hope you enjoyed it. Those little snips about Tony's past, Danny Williams, and hints of Tony/Tobias... (NOT romantically!!!) I won't say more about it, just to keep you on edge, though. *evil smirk*
> 
> Please, tell me your thoughts about Tony/Tobias (so far, on ff.net no one commented on that part. :( 
> 
> What can I say, I love evil cliffies! *hiding behind a wall and laughing maniacally*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! New chapter, as you see. Sorry it took me this long, but I had to re-write it a couple of times until I was satisfied. Unfortunately, Tobias claimed almost the whole chapter for himself, but there is a part of Tony's childhood, a bit of Danny Williams, Senior and Tony/Gibbs talk. So, spoiler for 5x7 'Requiem' will be in the next one. It's like Tony doesn't want to be all wet, but it will happen.
> 
> I'm guessing this story will have approximately 15 chapters total and I DO have a reason for Tony/Tobias parts. What that reason is, you'll just have to be patient and see. *evil laugh* (there are small hints if you read carefully, though)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like it. Enjoy!

Chapter 7

It was a quiet and peaceful day at Fornell's residence. Emily was doing something on her computer for a school project in the living room, Tobias was working on his paperwork on the kitchen table, while Tony was busy with cooking lunch. After they returned from Vance last night, Tony didn't even attempt to leave to his empty apartment. He suspected Senior was still in town, and while he did have other places to stay, like he told Vance, the thought of being alone somehow terrified him. So he stayed home. Because, somewhere along the line, he started to think of Fornell's house as his home. 

Home.

Tony smiled at that thought while stirring the pot. He never had that. Oh, he thought he did. With Gibbs, when he stayed at his house whenever was something off with his apartment, or after his encounter with death ten years ago when he opened that damn letter containing the plague. He was there almost two months, recuperating in Gibbs' arms. Then Kate died and everything changed.

Tony shook his head trying to get rid of the bitter memories, focusing instead on the food he was preparing. It was one of his mother's recepies. When he realized, mostly hoped, he would be spending his time with Tobias and Emily, who welcomed him in their lives as one of their own, he brought with him his mother's cookbook, and often made delicious meals for them. He made a mental note to himself to go to the Navy Bank and look through his mother's stuff. Memories he saved. Memories he took from his childhood. Her paintings, sketchbooks, her jewelry, her most valuable possessions. 

He remembered how he sneaked into the DiNozzo residence one day, after he refused to work for Senior and took everything. He was, after the refusal, banned from home, but Senior was often traveling, and the staff loved Tony and his mother. They stashed her stuff in the attic, knowing Senior never going up there. In fact, Senior ordered them to burn everything, but they didn't. They just told him they did, burning something else instead. One of the servants told Tony how happy Senior looked seeing the pile of ashes in the corner of the back yard. However, he never suspected that the pile wasn't from his dead wife's belongings.

Every once and awhile he went to the Navy Bank just to look at those things. When he was feeling blue he needed to feel the connection to his mother. Just touching her things calmed him. Alongside the safe deposit, where he put all his aliases and documents, he also had a vault. In there he put his mother's stuff. It was actually Director Morrow who told him about the vault and who made it possible for him to use it. He missed the old man. Sure, during the last decade, after Tom Morrow left the NCIS to work as the Director of the Homeland Security, he did worked for him when Morrow specifically asked for Tony. And they had lunches together when they had the time. It was Morrow who convinced him to stay at the NCIS when he reached his two years working there. Beside Gibbs, Morrow was the only person who believed in him and Tony wanted to make the old man proud of him, working harder than ever. Jenny was nice, but in the end, she had used him. And now, there was Leon Vance. 

His mind reverted to the vault, flashes of things he had there. His most favorite ones were a locked metal box which he couldn't open, never finding the key, the silver necklace with a large medallion with a kingfisher picture on it, that she never took off of her neck, music box where, when you open it, there was a twirling kingfisher singing his beautiful song, and one of her sketchbooks that had pictures of Italy. It was obvious that the necklace and the music box were a matching set and one of the kind, because Tony never found anything similar to them. The drawings were made with a pencil and judging by the dates, they were made when she was a young girl. Before she married Senior. The dates weren't the only thing that signaled the drawings. He noticed that during the time, they became harder, darker, tamed, full of pain. When she started drinking... The one of Italy and one man she often drew were lighter, free... He could almost feel her emotions just by looking at them. He often wondered who the man in the drawings was. He must've been someone very special to his mother because she often draw things she loved. Tony thought he knew the man. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but he couldn't pinpoint what it is, no matter how hard he tried.

There was one sketch Tony loved thew most. A profile of that mysterious man sitting on the beach, looking at the sea. There was a hint of a smile on his face... Young, carefree, handsome... Tony wondered what his relationship with his mother was. Besides her family, and that man, and, of course, Tony, Tony's mother didn't draw anyone else. Tony couldn't find not even one sketch of Senior.

His musing, and the quietness, were interrupted by another buzz of his phone and he sighed. He knew who was on the other line without even checking the ID caller. Since morning, Gibbs was calling him non-stop. He felt a hint of satisfaction at not answering, as well as a tiny fear Gibbs would stop calling. But, after what happened, he just couldn't deal with talking with his lover. Or ex lover. Were they even together? He just didn't know.

''You should answer it, you know?'' Tobias said casually, looking at the young man by the stow. ''I know Jethro, he won't stop calling until he talks with you.''

Turning around, he send a dark glare toward the smirking man, but before Tony even opened his mouth to speak, Emily, who just walked into the kitchen, spoke, taking a bite out of an apple she took from the counter.

''Why don't you wanna talk to Uncle Gibbs?''

''It's complicated, Em.'' Tony sighed, then glared again at Tobias, hearing his snicker.

''And who is making it complicated, big brother? Knowing you, I would guess it's you. Uncle Gibbs loves you.'' Emily smirked.

''What?'' Both Tony and Tobias asked at the same time, startled, looking at Emily, who just rolled her eyes at the two grownups.

''He loves you. He told me himself.''

''When?'' Tobias asked his daughter, thinking of any reason why would his friend told something like that to his innocent young daughter.

''A couple of months ago, when he took me to the Ferris wheel for my birthday. Tonio was on that ship. I asked him how one could tell whether he is in love with someone or it is just a crush. He told me that when you feel you can't live without that person, when you can't stop gazing into his eyes, when you want to do anything to protect that person, when you feel tingles all over you when he touches you, when you miss him so much it hurts, than it's love. And that sometimes, even when you love him, you end up hurting him, it hurts you too. When I asked does he have someone he loves that way, he whispered Tony's name. I don't know he even realized he said it. He was suddenly so sad so I've asked him to buy me some cotton candy.'' Emily explained.

Tobias was at loss. He knew, just hearing those words, his friend truly loved Tony, and his heart danced with happiness. On the other hand, Emily was too young to know about man and man being together that way. He had nothing against gay couples and he wanted to teach Emily there was nothing wrong if a man or a woman find love with the same gender, but he didn't know how to bring that subject up. He dreaded the conversation he would have to go through about sex. He casted a look at Tony, who looked like a dear caught in headlights. 

Hearing Emily's words, Tony's heart fluttered with hope. Gibbs loved him? Oh, how he wished that was true. Sure, yesterday, when he had his breakdown in Abby's lab, he heard the words, heard the pain in Gibbs' voice after hearing everything he kept inside, but the anger was stronger. He still felt anger and hurt, but he also knew that the love he felt for the older Marine would never go away. And now, Emily, sweet, little Emily, saying that her Uncle Gibbs loved him, another man, with such conviction...it was mind blowing, and he didn't know what to do or say to that.

''But...but...ummm...'' 

''Oh, Tonio, I thought you were smart.'' Emily shook her head disapprovingly. ''Do you think I know nothing about gay couples? Sam told the whole class about how his dad has a new boyfriend and how they are living together now after his parents got a divorce. Mrs. Laucher told us we shouldn't be afraid of it, or hate it, that we should accept that you can't help who you love. That there's nothing wrong about it. A few in my class were nasty to Sam after that, calling him and his father names, but I defended them. The Principal said he would call a meeting at school for all parents and children about that. He said we are a gay friendly school.''

Something about Emily's words didn't add up, so Tobias asked. ''The Principal told that to all of you? During the class?'' He was right about his assumption seeing his daughter blush.

''So I've been listening to him talking to Mrs. Laucher. Big deal.'' Emily huffed. ''The point is that I have no problem with that. Do you, daddy?''

''No. Of course not. But, you shouldn't eavesdrop people, young lady.'' He said sternly, then smiled. ''I'm proud of you.''

Emily beamed, then looked at her 'big brother'. ''Do you love Uncle Gibbs?''

Tony looked at Tobias for guidance and seeing a nod, he sighed. ''Yes. But...''

''If you say it is complicated again, I will hurt you. Talk to him.'' Emily said with her most stern voice, accompanied with a even stern look, then left.

''How old is she again?'' Tony asked, looking at Tobias.

''Old enough to put you in your place.'' Tobias snickered. ''I think that children nowadays know more than we did in their age. It's frightening.''

''Tell me about it. Usually I'm not good with children but with Em, it seems so natural.'' Tony mused aloud.

''She has adopted you as her big brother.'' Tobias said casually, shrugging his shoulders.

Tony was silent for a long moment, then asked. ''And you are okay with that?''

''What do you think?'' When Tony didn't say anything, Tobias continued. ''How many times do I need to say it? Tonio, you have a home here. Both Emily and I love you and no matter what, that will never change.''

Tony had to duck his head to hide the tears that threatened at those words, feeling a sudden warmth in his heart. He wasn't quick enough, because Tobias could see a mix of emotions crossing Tony's face. Knowing Tony was uncomfortable, Tobias changed the subject.

''What were you thinking earlier? You seemed a bit lost for a second.''

''I was thinking about Director Morrow and my mother.'' Seeing a raised eyebrow, he elaborated. ''Did you know he was the one who told me to stay at the NCIS when I planed to leave? It was around the time McGee joined us. He knew how I stayed at one place for around two years, and I surpassed it. I even had my written resignation and all. He told me how disappointed he would be if I quit and leave. Said that I've finally found a place where I belong. I miss the old man.''

''He was right. Even with what happened, you do belong here. Of course, I would love nothing more than for you to join me with the FBI. I admire your loyalty and dedication.'' 

''Thank you.'' Tony said, blushing at the praise.

''And your mother?'' Tobias asked tentatively.

The air changed when Tony sighed. He stirred the pot one more time, turned it off then walked toward the table and sat across Tobias, who immediately noticed the stiff posture on the young man. The grip he had on the glass of juice he poured himself as he sat down was firm, but then he slowly relaxed, and Tobias waited silently and patiently.

''I know Vance or Ducky told you about how she died.'' Tony started, and after receiving an affirmative nod, continued in a hushed tone, not wanting Emily to hear. ''They were both drunk that night. I can't remember the time when they, while they were both in the house, weren't drunk. When he was away, on business, she was sober, gentle, loving...but when he was at home... Anyway, I could hear them fighting in the living room while hiding in my room on the second floor. I think she provoked him on purpose that night, because she told me to hide and not to come down no matter what. But, when the sounds of crushing furniture and glass were too much, I went to the stairs... He was beating her, laughing and yelling...After a while, she didn't move...Just kept lying there on the floor...'' He stopped there, his mind returning to that awful night. Remembering the awful words Senior spoke. Remembering the sudden fear in his heart... Sensing a comforting touch on his shaking hand, he blinked the tears and continued. ''I was so scared, you know. I wanted to rush down there and, I don't know, do something, but, I just sat there, frozen.''

''There was nothing you could've done. For God's sake, you were just a little boy.''

''I know that. Now. But, back then... Next thing I heard was a car leaving. He left her there. I was so numb that I didn't even call anyone. She wasn't breathing...I just curled next to her... The staff came three days after... I don't remember much what happened after. The next thing I remember was being in the hospital. The doctor said I barely made it. That I was lucky. I didn't feel lucky. The only person who loved me and protected me was gone. After that, I was send to a boarding school. A Military one. He said I needed to learn my place. When I finished that, he wanted me to work for him, to go to a business school, but I refused. I couldn't stand to even look at him, let alone to work with him. He banned me from home, but I managed to get a scholarship to the Ohio State. Then I busted my knee and went to the Police Academy.''

''I know about the busted knee part. It is strange how the one who managed to do that to you, saved your life ten years ago.'' Tobias mused, forcing back the tears and anger hearing the whole story.

Tony gave a little smile. ''Yeah. Brad and I are pretty close friends now. I was his best man on his wedding day. It is strange how some people reappear in your life when you least expect.''

''What do you mean?''

''After I busted my knee, I was in a pretty bad shape. Mentally and physically broken. Suddenly all my popularity disappeared. The team played well without me and my friends had their own lives. I was so angry at everyone and everything that I pushed them away. The constant pain and physical therapy took everything. I even contemplated ending it, you know? Then, one day, while I was still in the hospital, Danny and his father came. I couldn't believe they remembered me. You see, when I was about six, Senior had business in New Jersey and he took Mother and me with him. Apparently, the man Senior was doing business with, cared a lot about family, so we were there as a decoration of sorts. When the deal was done, he flew to Europe leaving us behind. 

One night, while walking down the street, we were attacked. Mother was stabbed, but it wasn't serious, and the other guy broke my arm. Suddenly, a little boy appeared and screamed bloody murder. The attackers ran, leaving us on the ground. The boy, Danny, called for his parents. His father was a firefighter and his mother worked as a nurse in the hospital nearby. And his uncle was a policeman that took our statements. Anyway, since we couldn't get a hold of Senior, and we didn't want to stay in the hospital, they took us in. Welcomed us in their home. Best two weeks of my life. Clarice, Danny's mother took care of us. It was then I saw how a family should look. They were a loud bunch, all of them living in one house, but the love was ever present. Danny had two older sisters and a younger brother. When Mother was well enough to travel, we all cried. They treated us like a part of their family. It felt nice. 

Anyway, Danny and his father came into my room and told me they've been searching for me. For two months! I couldn't believe it! They were on the stadium when I played my last game, and recognized me. It was then I've realized that they didn't received my letters, or I theirs. Senior must've done something to the mail, I don't know. It took some time, but soon I was back in their home recuperating. Clarice pulled some strings and she took care of my rehab. I lived with them for over a year. Thanks to Alexander, Danny's uncle, both Danny and I are in the law enforcement. We were smitten with his talk about police work and even helped him with some cases. He told us we were born for this job. Of course, at first, I wanted to be a firefighter too. Like Danny's father. But, when I was in Baltimore to meet some friends from college, some time after I left the Williams', I've stumbled on a apartment that was on fire. Two kids were trapped and I had to make a decision. I saved only the boy. There was no time for me to get his sister and she burned alive. He never forgave me for that. I felt horrible when I returned to New Jersey and Danny's father tried to help me with the guilt and grief, but...''

To say Tobias was shocked was an understatement. He had never heard Tony talk so much, especially about himself, and he felt privileged to know he was granted so much trust. He could hear and see every emotion while Tony talked. Sadness, awe, hurt, gratefulness and happiness.

''Did the men who attacked you ever got caught?''

''Yes. Alexander was working on it and caught them three days later. They tried to sell Mother's necklace. It was custom made and one of the kind. She was so happy she got it back she cried. When Clarice asked, she told her it was a gift from the only man she had ever loved. Even then I knew it wasn't a gift from Senior. There was never love there. However, the man behind the attack was never found.'' Tony answered solemnly.

With a heavy feeling in his gut, Tobias asked. ''What do you mean?''

''They said they were paid for the job.''

''You don't mean...'' Tobias asked with his eyes wide with shock, realizing the implication.

''Yup, I think Senior was behind it. But, I have no proof.''

''Well, don't worry, I promise, we'll find something and he'll end up in jail. Sooner or later.'' Tobias said in a determinate tone that caused Tony to smirk.

''Really? The FBI will catch him? I wonder.''

''Watch it, boy!'' Tobias growled, causing the younger man letting out a small chuckle.

It was their thing from the beginning. Tony would make fun of the FBI's incompetence and Tobias would mock NCIS. There was no heat in the words. Just a simple joke. 

Even though he was glad he managed to make Tony laugh, Tobias was curious, so he asked gently. ''Would you mind telling me more about your mother? I've never heard you speak of her before. You don't have to, if you don't want.''

As expected, Tony's smile disappeared from his face, and he sighed, not realizing that in that moment he looked like a little lost boy. It broke Tobias' heart seeing him like that. ''She was beautiful, you know? Dark and long, slightly curly hair, green eyes, just like mine. I have no idea what she saw in Senior to marry him, though. I suspect it was because she got pregnant with me and her parents forced her. I never met them, my grandparents. It was just me and her against the world. When she was sober, that is. She loved to sketch. And paint. A pencil and a sketchbook were ever present where ever she went. I've told you about the vault Morrow got for me, right?'' He asked, then continued, receiving a nod. ''The key and the password for the vault is in that safe I gave you the access to, as my next of kin and power of attorney. Well, after Senior banned me from home, one day I went there and took her belongings. Sketches, painting, jewelry. They are there, safe and sound from him. Not that he knows about it, since he thinks everything she owned was burned. But, still, better safe than sorry. She drew what she loved the most. In those sketchbooks there are many drawings of Italy and people she met. My favorite ones are of one mysterious man sitting on the beach. I never learned who that man was. When I asked once, she got this strange look in her eyes and I could see tears, so I've never asked again. She must've loved that man very much, though. I think it was the same man who gave her the necklace.'' Tony finished with a long sigh.

''Thank you, Tonio. For telling me all this.'' Tobias said, his voice full of emotions, but Tony just shrugged his shoulders.

There was nothing more to say. Tobias could see how exhausted the young man looked after going down the memory lane, and his admiration grew. He wished he knew Tony while he was a kid. He would've done anything to give him a stabile and normal loving home. Well, he has his chance now. Like he told Diane, Tony was like a son he never had, and what's most important, Emily loved him like an older brother. His musings were interrupted by another buzz on Tony's phone, and rolling his eyes, Tobias reached for it and answered.

''DiNutso's phone.'' He swatted Tony's hand away when he tried to take his phone and leaned back into the chair, putting it on the speaker. Emily came too and sat on Tony's lap, smirking the whole time. ''Hello, Jethro. How can I be of assistance?''

''Tobias?'' Gibbs was confused at first, then worried. They could all hear it in his voice. ''Why do you have Tony's phone? Where is he? Is he okay?''

''Relax, Jethro, he is fine. He is, in fact, here, at my house, cooking. And by the looks of it, not only lunch but dinner as well. He feels he has to earn his keep. However, he is still a bit angry at you, that's why he wasn't answering.''

''He...he spent the night at your place?'' Gibbs asked in shock.

''Why, Jethro, you sound jealous.'' Tobias chuckled in amusement, earning a dark glare from Tony, and a eye roll from his daughter. Tony's eyes went wide when only silence was on the other line. ''There's nothing to be jealous for. Yes, Tony spent the night here, but in his own room, since Senior is still in town. His virtue is still intact.'' Tobias added after a moment. 

''Oh...okay. Can I talk to him? Please?''

''Tell you what? Why don't you come here around nine and you can talk to him then. On a neutral ground.''

''I'll be there.'' Gibbs said and ended the call.

Tobias smirked looking at Tony. ''Aren't you a bit too old for me to arrange your dates?''

''You are hilarious. But, if I were you, I would keep my day job.'' Tony scoffed at him.

''Dad is right. You and Uncle Gibbs need to sit down and talk. Clear the air.'' Emily said and gently gave Tony a head-slap.

''Why, you little minx!'' Tony pretended to be angry, then started with the tickling, causing the little girl to laugh and squirm in his lap.

When the tickling session, that Tobias watched with an amused and fond look on his face, died down, Emily asked if she could go to the neighbor's house and play with her friends. Her wish granted, she gave a kiss to both Tobias and Tony, then left.

''So? What are we gonna do now? I'm done with the paperwork, thank God.'' Tobias asked. ''You done with the cooking?''

''For now.'' Tony answered. Then he remembered. ''Why don't we go to my attorney's office. I said I would drop there one of these days.'' Seeing a raised eyebrow from Tobias, he told him all about the trust fund and what he suspected Senior had done.

''But it's Sunday.'' Tobias frowned. 

"Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. But it really doesn't matter what day it is. Kevin is a family attorney. Nevertheless, why don't I call him and see if he is available." Tony said, already on his phone. When he was done, he smiled at Tobias. "Like I've said. No problem. He will be expecting us in an hour. Plenty of time to get dressed."

''Sure. Let me just send a text to Emily then we can go get ready.'' Tobias agreed. 

/

Half an hour later, after a quick shower and a change of clothes, Tobias asked. ''My car or yours?''

''Lets take yours. I've never been in a Hummer before.'' Tony grinned as they locked the doors.

Tobias watched Tony as he walked around the car with a satisfied smile on his face. Tony was obviously in love with the car, he could see it. He cleared his throat to catch Tony's attention then wiggled the keys in his hand. ''Wanna take it for a ride?''

Tony's eyes went wide and Tobias felt like a father giving his son a first car lesson. ''You mean it?''

''Sure. Why not?'' Tobias shrugged his shoulders in a casual way then went toward the passenger doors. They looked at each other over the hood and suddenly there was a mischievous grin on Tony's face he didn't like.

''Are you compensating for something, Tobias?'' Tony asked as he entered the car.

''What do you mean?'' Tobias asked in suspicion, having a feeling he wouldn't like the answer.

''Well, you know what they say. Big car, small...'' Wiggling his eyebrows, Tony pointedly looked at Tobias' crotch.

''Shut up and drive, DiNutso!" Tobias growled. 

He watched as the young man explored the interior of the car and learning the buttons. He also put Kevin's address in the navigation system. Tony was a bit careful having never driven anything but a Corvette or a Mustang which were smaller cars compared to a Hummer. Driving around the block two times, just to get a hand of it, he was soon relaxed enough to head to town.

"Not that's any of your business, but my dick is quite big. Just ask Diane. She is quite satisfied." Tobias said when he was sure Tony was relaxed enough.

Tony gave him a look that was a mix of horror and shock, and seeing it, Tobias laughed in satisfaction. Tony wisely kept his mouth shut. Thankfully, the drive didn't take to long and soon they were in front of a simple house. At Tobias's raised eyebrow, Tony explained.

"You've said it yourself. It's Sunday." Locking the car,Tony suddenly looked a bit uncomfortable. "I wanted to ask you something before we go in. Would you agree if I start a fund trust in Emily's name? She could get access to it when she reaches twenty five. It will help her in life."

Taken aback with the question, Tobias looked him in shock. "Tony, there is really no need for..."

"I know. You and Diane make enough, but if something ever happens to both of you or me...it would give me piece of mind if she were being taken care of. And I really don't need that much money. It's just, while we're here, I might as well update my will. Have everything in order. Please?"

Tobias didn't know what to say. He thought about it long enough, pros and cons, then sighed, seeing a puppy look from Tony. "Fine. It is your money to spend. And even if I don't agree, I'm sure you'd find a way anyway."

Tony's smile was brilliant and happy hearing that. As they entered the house, Tony introduced the two men. For the next hour he updated his will, made arrangements for Emily's trust fund and transferred one million dollars to Zack and Clarice Williams, making sure Kevin got in touch with them. Kevin also assured them that the money was well hidden from Senior.

"Where to next?" Tobias asked as they left Kevin's place.

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could go to the cemetery and to my apartment. I need some more clothes and to check up with my neighbor, Mrs. Sullivan. She is an old lady and her granddaughter is out of town. If you don't mind me staying at your place for a couple of more days." Tony suggested, looking at Tobias underneath his eyelashes. He relaxed when Tobias rolled his eyes.

"Drive away."

/

After buying a couple of lovely bouquets and candles, they first went to Pacci's grave then to Kate's. Neither felt the need to fill the silence with talking as they walked through the cemetery.

"I see Miss Sciuto visited recently." Tobias commented seeing a bouquet of black roses on the grave, Abby's favorite ones.

"Don't know why she bothered. She hasn't been here for the last eight years." Tony replied dryly as he placed his own bouquet and lit the candles.

Dropping the subject of Abby, Tobias asked. "The white lilies are obviously from you, but whose are those pink roses?"

"Dr. Rachel Cranston, her sister. Mrs. Todd is in retirement home in Virginia so she can't come, and Mr. Todd died three years ago." Tony said as he stood up.

After a silent pray they were on their way toward Tony's apartment. They visited Mrs. Sullivan first, who was happy when she saw Tony and assured him she was fine and didn't need anything. To Tobias' amusement she started motherhenning Tony who was clearly uncomfortable with that. Tobias was chuckling the whole time and had to promise her he would make sure Tony ate enough and not to work hard. He had to bite his tongue at the long suffering sigh Tony made as they finally entered Tony's apartment.

While Tobias busied himself with snooping through the big wall full with DVD's and books, Tony went to the bedroom to pack. Looking through his clothes, he was trying to decide what he would need for the next couple of days. He already packed an USMC hoodie and t-shirt, both gray, both taken from Gibbs. It was the first thing he took from the closet, and he smiled at the items. He suspected the Marine knew he took them, but Gibbs never said anything. No one knew, but Tony loved wearing Gibbs' clothes. Especially that gray hoodie. Even to him it sounded irrational, but wearing it, he felt safe and secure.

''Hey, Tonio?'' Tobias asked coming into Tony's room and leaning against the door-frame. ''Why don't you pack everything and move in with me?''

The suit the young man held in his hand fell on the floor and Tony turned toward Tobias with his eyes wide from shock. ''Wha...what?''

''I've been thinking... You're practically at my place all the time. And, no, I'm not complaining. It's just...I like having you there. You already have your own room, so why not make it permanently? Unless you'll be moving in with Jethro?''

''You...you are actually serious?'' Tony stuttered, deciding not to comment on the 'Jethro' part. ''But, what will Diane say?''

''Diane and I are still in the beginning of our relationship so she won't be moving in any time soon.''

''Well, I'd like that. I don't know when, but, I kinda consider your house as home. So, yeah, I'd like that.'' Tony blushed, then grinned. ''Admit it, you just want me for my cooking.''

''Well, there's that. And your help with the paperwork. I'm actually not drowning in that anymore. So, it is a win-win situation. I get those amazing meals and you get someone who will take care of you. Because, frankly, you need it.'' Tobias laughed.

''You're hilarious.'' Tony scoffed at the retiring man.

In the next hour, they packed almost anything Tony thought was essential for the time being. He planed to call the moving truck for the rest of the things. He already had a storage he planed to put the furniture in, but for now, he took most of the DVD's and clothes. And some pans and coffee maker he got from one of his frat brothers last year for his birthday. It took four times for the two of them to carry the stuff to the car, and by the time they were done, they were exhausted. Tony also made sure that the superintendent knew about him moving out. But, he also made sure that the rest of the tenants knew that he would be checking on them often. Especially Mrs. Sullivan. He also introduced Tobias to Velasos family. The neighbors next door. He gave Kate-the fish to their son, Pedrito. Finally, they were on their way home, tired, but happy.

/

Gibbs was a nervous wreck dreading the conversation that was awaiting him. He prayed it would go well and that Tony will forgive him. He was still dumb folded learning his love and his best friend were that good friends that Tony spend the night at Tobias' place. He eyed the Bourbon on the shelf but decided against it, needing to be sober. Not even the sanding wood could calm him. Finally, the time to go was there and after a quick shower he got dressed then left his house, the marriage certificate, weighting a ton in his pocket.

Tobias was the one who opened the door and he looked at Gibbs with his eyes narrowed. ''You have one chance left with him. Don't blow it.'' He said, letting Gibbs in.

To anyone else, Tony looked like he had no worries in the world, but both older men could see he was nervous. Especially when his eyes connected with Gibbs'. What Gibbs couldn't see though, but Tobias could, was the hard grip Tony had on the kitchen counter where he was leaning on.

Yes, Tony was nervous all right, nervous as hell. Thankfully, Emily left earlier, with a firm order to stop being pig-headed, talk to Uncle Gibbs, kiss and make up. She also expected a phone call from both of them to let her know everything was okay. Diane laughed all the way to her car.

Tobias smiled inwardly when he remembered Emily's reaction on the news about Tony moving in. He called her to come home after they put the boxes in and she squealed, hugged and kissed both of them. The three of them rearranged Tony's stuff when Diane showed up. Tony was nervous at her reaction too, but she surprised them asking smugly what would Jethro say about their new living arrangement. To Tobias' utter delight, Tony went red as a tomato. The four of them had a nice lunch together and Diane left with the recipe. Suddenly, Tony's voice broke his daydreaming, bringing him back.

''I've agreed to this, but I have conditions.''

''What ever you want, Tony.'' Gibbs agreed eagerly and Tony felt a spark of hope in his heart.

''First, we eat dinner, then we talk. Second, during our conversation, Tobias stays. Third, no mention of Abby, McGee or David. Agreed?''

Gibbs nodded in agreement, even though he wanted the conversation to be over with, but as Tobias warned him, he only had one chance with Tony. During the drive here, he promised himself he would do anything just for Tony to forgive him. He couldn't live without the young man. He loved him too much. However, he was worried seeing the walls Tony put out, and his gut told him it wouldn't go smoothly as he hoped. 

Since the kitchen table was already set, they sat down and dug in. As soon as he took his first bite Gibbs remembered the other times Tony cooked for him. It was divine as this. And he said so, noticing a small blush on Tony's face.

''So, Tobias, I couldn't help but notice boxes around. You redecorating?''

''Actually no. Those are Tony's stuff, since he is moving in.'' Tobias said smugly, wanting to see Gibbs' reaction, and he wasn't disappointed.

Almost choking, Gibbs looked from Tobias to Tony and back, then spluttered. ''Wh...what?''

''You got a problem with that?'' Tony asked, narrowing his eyes.

''Nope.'' Gibbs grunted, but it was clear he wasn't happy. Tony leaned on his chair and waited. Gibbs sighed and continued. ''It's just...even though I don't remember everything yet, I also don't remember the two of you being this close. You were always at each other's throats.''

''You don't remember everything?'' Tony asked worriedly, and even Tobias seemed at loss with what his friend revealed. ''But...but you remember us, don't you?''

''Yes, Tony. I remember us.'' Gibbs assured him, and he could see the young man relaxing a bit. He didn't want to admit that he just remembered one part of them, though.

''Yes, we were always at each other's throats, as you put it, but we both understood it was just an act. Why do you think I tried to pouch him every chance I got for the last twelve years?'' Tobias smirked.

''Even so, I think I would've noticed the closeness.'' Gibbs mumbled. It was obviously the wrong thing to say, because Tony snapped, dropping the fork into the plate, glaring at his lover.

''Maybe it happened when I needed someone to help me with the undercover clusterfuck our former Director put me in? While you were lying on the beach in Mexico, drinking Tequila with Mike Franks? The same Mike Franks who gave me a concussion and went lone ranger, screwing us all in the process? Ring a bell, Gibbs?'' He stood abruptly, then walked toward the living room, needing space. On the doorway, he turned around, his mask firmly in place, but his clenched fist told a different story. ''I don't know why I ever thought this would work. When it's clear... You know where the door is.'' And with that, he was gone.

How had this went spiraling down, and that fast? Tobias asked himself, looking at his best friend. Feeling a surge of anger, his hand collided with Gibbs' head. ''Go, you idiot!'' He hissed. ''Make things right or you're going to lose him forever!'' He was met with the stubborn look in Gibbs' eyes, and prayed. Gibbs nodded and went after Tony.

The man in question stood next to the window, looking out in the darkness, seeing nothing. For the first time he wondered why he ever bothered. It was clearly not meant to be. There was no happy future for him and Gibbs. Maybe it would be for everyone's best interest to forget everything and move on. Sure, he would end up alone, but what else was new? Feeling a presence behind him, he knew without turning, who it was. He was surprised how calm he sounded. 

''Look, Gibbs. I don't blame you for leaving. You've lost decades of your life and you were stuck in the past. I get it. Shannon is, and I suppose, ever will be the only one you would ever love. So, why don't we...''

''No!'' Gibbs cut him off, scared of resignation he heard in Tony's voice. ''Please, Tony?'' He pleaded. ''Look at me and hear me out.'' He waited for the young man to turn around, and continued. ''I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry for everything. I messed up and made bad judgment calls, I admit it. You were right the other day with everything you said, and now, about Mike. I made a mistake believing in my former boss and mentor. And, if you want, I would say 'I'm sorry' for the rest of my life. Because I've hurt you. I've hurt you so much with how I behaved that I don't know how you could ever forgive me. But there is one thing you should never doubt.'' Taking a deep breath, he looked straight into Tony's eyes, taking his hand in his, glad that Tony didn't flinch. ''And that is how much I love you! I love you, Tony. And, I think I love you more than I ever loved Shannon. I love you, and I'm sorry, and I want you back in my life, because without you, I have no reason to live. And yes, it's selfish, I know, but I need you, and I love you. Please, I will even beg you on my knees...give me, give us another chance. To start over. A clean start.'' 

To say Tony, and Tobias, who was standing near by, were shocked, would be an understatement of the century. They both heard the desperation in Gibbs' voice, and Tony also saw he meant every word in his wet blue eyes. He cursed his traitors heart because he believed him. He believed Gibbs when he said he was sorry and that he loved him. Blinking back the tears, he asked after a long moment.

''A clean start? What do you mean by that?''

''Maybe we could go out sometimes. On a date. Movie and dinner. Anything you want. Just don't cut me out of your life.'' 

Another long moment passed while Tony processed everything, then finally gave a tiny nod and a shy smile. ''I'd like that.''

''Really?'' Gibbs asked, his blue eyes twinkling with hope.

''A date sounds nice.''

They were still holding hands, both reluctant to let go or move from each other. They were lost in each other eyes when Tobias cleared his throat.

''Way to ruin the moment.'' Gibbs said dryly, now looking at his best friend, who merely grinned in response. Reluctantly, and a bit afraid, he turned back to Tony and spoke. ''Listen Tony...there is something you need to know. We are...''

In that precise moment Tony's phone started ringing, and he looked apologetically at Gibbs. ''Can it wait? I need to take this. Maybe it's important.'' He added, seeing an unfamiliar number.

''Sure.'' Gibbs grunted, part of him glad for the delay.

''DiNozzo.'' Tony answered, and what ever he heard was obviously bad, because all color drained from his face. ''I'll be right there. Do not, under any circumstances, do anything and speak to one adult and tell him to make sure the whole building is evacuated. Stay close to your family. Okay, Pedrito?''

''What's wrong?'' Tobias and Gibbs asked in the same time, both in alert mode.

''Someone broke into my apartment, broke everything and started a fire.'' Tony answered in shock. ''Pedrito called. Said he found his papa on the stairs. Thankfully, he was not heavily hurt, just a concussion when a man knocked him out. He called another neighbor and they carried him to his place. On the way there, they noticed smoke coming from my apartment, broke in and put the fire out.''

''Did they call the ambulance, police or the firefighters?'' Tobias asked, following Tony and Gibbs out, and Tony only managed a nod.

Not wanting to waste any time, and since Gibbs' car was blocking the Hummer, and Tony's was in the garage, they all went with one car. With Gibbs' driving, they made it in record time, and they could see people outside. Tobias called Vance and told him what was going on and the Director assured him that Balboa's team was on their way. This was, after all, a direct attack on a Federal Agent. Tobias didn't even try to fight over the jurisdiction, Tony was still an NCIS Agent, and Balboa's team was, after Gibbs', the best that was.

Everything was in chaos, the people scared and children crying. Gibbs let out a loud whistle, calming everyone and gave orders to make sure everyone got out safe. Seeing the ambulance, Tony went there first, wanting to make sure Pedrito's father was indeed fine. Just as Balboa arrived, the firefighters came out, assuring that, beside broken and burned furniture, everything was okay. It was a good thing the fire was spotted immediately.

Balboa took the statements then went to Tony's apartment where his team was already investigating. ''You moved recently?'' He asked Tony, noticing it looked half empty. 

''Took some stuff earlier today and moved in with a friend.''

''Do you have any idea who could've done this?''

''Yeah. Senior. I'm sure of it.'' Tony answered with a grim expression on his face. He didn't need to name the culprit. Balboa knew who Senior was.

''Listen Tony. Why don't you go? I promise I'll keep you in the loop but for now, I don't really need you here. Let us do our job.'' Balboa gently advised, and breathed a sigh of relief when Tony gave a small nod.

''The cameras.'' Tony said, his eyes lighting up. Noticing almost everyone now looking at him, he blushed and explained. ''Some time after I moved here, I made arrangements to install secret cameras all over the building. It cost me a fortune. The computer where everything is recorded is in the basement. There is one small room that no one used.''

''Excellent!'' Balboa smiled. ''Show me where.''

/

Gibbs drove Tobias and Tony back, and all three got out of the car. Realizing the two men wanted a moment alone, he said his goodbye to his friend, then entered his house.

''Tony, there is something I've been trying to tell you.'' Gibbs started, but Tony stopped him tiredly.

''Please, Gibbs, not now. I don't think I could take more. It has been a long day, and I'm tired. I just need a bed I can crawl in.''

Gibbs grunted in his usual way that brought a smile to Tony's face. Touching gently Tony's cheek, he looked deep into his eyes. ''Just remember that I love you.''

''I love you too. I may not like you right now, and we still need to talk, but I love you, and I always will.'' Tony replied, his defenses down. Before he could change his mind, he leaned closer, placing his lips on Gibbs' in a gentle kiss. 

He needed it, no mater how angry he still might have felt toward the older man. He cursed his weak heart when it came to Gibbs. Breaking the kiss, before it went heating up, he took a deep breath and stepped back. "You better go."

"You're right. See you soon."

He watched Gibbs as he drove away then turned around and entered his new home. 

/

Tony tossed and turned in his bed for a while, his mind overloaded. It has been a very emotional day with the talk about his childhood with Tobias, then moving in, the talk he had with Gibbs, and in the end, the ruination of his apartment. He couldn't believe no one was hurt. He didn't think he would handle that. The guilt would've surely eat him alive, he was sure of that. Luckily, the fire was spotted early, and didn't spread further, and only his apartment was damaged.

All the talking about his past, something he had never done before, made him think about Danny. He surprised even himself with the flood of words he made. But, some part of him wanted to share his past with Tobias. Only Ducky, Gibbs and Danny knew parts of his life, parts he was willing to share. He made a mental note to send an e-mail to Danny, it was overdue. They corresponded every two months, and he chuckled imagining the amount of rant he would receive. About his partner Steve and how he hated living in that pineapple hell. But, Tony knew. It was just a rant. Sooner or later, Danny would realize that Hawaii became his home, and that he liked Steve, maybe even loved him. The only thing he never mentioned, to anyone, was that clumsy kiss he and Danny shared a long time ago. They were both curious and it just happened one night. Afterwards, they laughed and decided not to talk about it ever again.

In the end of everything, Gibbs was and will be the only one he would ever love. Tony was sure of that. No mater what, the older Marine was the one and only for Tony. He could still feel that kiss they shared on his lips.

Tony sighed after one more time he turned and decided to go to the living room and watch a movie. He grabbed a blanket and put on Gibbs' hoodie, needing the comfort. Taking the first DVD that was in the box near the wall, he got cozy on the sofa. Twenty minutes later, he was startled when he felt Tobias next to him.

''Can't sleep?''

''Sorry. Did I woke you?'' Tony asked instead of answering.

''Nope. Couldn't sleep either.'' He said, then, seeing what Tony wore, smirked. ''Didn't know you joined the Marines.''

Tony rolled his eyes figuring that Tobias already guessed whose hoodie it was and they watched the movie in the silence for some time, when Tobias noticed Tony's eyes were slowly closing. He pulled the younger man's head onto his shoulder and made himself comfortable. It was the least he could do.

Tony was half asleep when he mumbled the words. ''Thanks for everything...dad.''

Tobias was too shocked to move hearing the words, then felt the young man stiffen, when Tony finally realized what he said. Not wanting to ruin that special moment that warmed his heart, Tobias whispered back. ''You're welcome...son. Now, sleep.''

And Tony did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pheeew, it is a long chapter. I hope you liked it. A lot of emotions and hurt/comfort. And laughter. Like I've said, Tobias claimed the whole chapter for himself and I hope you enjojed Tobias/Tony parts. Hehe, Gibbs still hasn't told Tony about them being married. For now, as it seems, they are at a standstill. But, will it last?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup! I'm back. I want to give you my sincerest apologies for my extended absence. Between my writer’s block and how my life has been difficult for the past year, I seemed to have lost the motivation to write. I kept reading my favorite fandoms but whenever I started to write, it turned to crap. Ideas, I have plenty, but putting them into a story...well...that's another thing. Hopefully my muse will come through so I can finally finish this story. 
> 
> I sure hope I haven't lost you guys and that you'll like this chapter.

Emily was still grinning as she closed, then locked the front door of her father's house. Her mother was waiting for her in the car on the driveway, since they had to return here for her notebook she forgotten yesterday. It was part of her school project and it was due today, She was slightly surprised then ecstatic seeing her father and her 'big brother' sleeping on the sofa in the living room, but they looked tired and she didn’t want to wake them up. To her, they looked so cute together, lying against each other, each wrapped in their own blanket. And peaceful. She wondered what happened after she and her mother left the day before. Did everything go well with Tony and Uncle Gibbs. She sure hoped so. 

''Why are you grinning like that?'' Diane asked as Emily buckled her seatbelt.

''I took a picture of Dad and Tonio sleeping on the sofa. Wanna see?''

Diane let out a small laugh seeing the photo. ''You know, your Dad's birthday is coming soon. Why don't you send that picture to my phone and I'll make a real photo out of it that you can give him. Framed and everything.'' Diane suggested and Emily happily nodded.

After dropping her daughter off in front of the school, Diane made one phone call, and half an hour later, parked her car in front of Gibbs' house. She knew from her ex husband, Tobias, what happened with Gibbs' team and knowing the Marine, he was at home, working on the boat, now that he was unofficially on vacation. Entering the house without knocking, she saw him reading the newspaper, a steaming cup of coffee on the table. She sat across from him and he raised an eyebrow, but then sighed, stood up and grabbed a cup of coffee for her, doctoring it the way she liked.

''Something on your mind, Diane?'' Gibbs asked.

''I just want to know how last night went on. Call me curious.'' She responded, taking a sip.

''Curiosity killed the cat.''

''Good thing I'm not one, then.''

''Diane.'' Gibbs let a low growl, but Diane wasn't fooled.

''Look, I love Tobias, and I want him happy. He loves Tony as if he is a son to him and meeting him, the real him, without all his masks, I realized why you fell for him. He is easy to love. Emily thinks of him as her older brother. Also, I know you. And I want to know will you fight for him or not. He is good for you, and, I know you won't believe me, but I want for you to be happy too. So, what happened?''

''We made progress, but...'' Gibbs said after another sigh.

''But what?'' Diane probed.

''It's just...aww hell, you know I'm not good with feelings.'' Gibbs huffed, glaring at the cup in his hand. ''There is too much resentment, justified resentment, on his part...and I don't know...''

''I never took you for a coward or a quitter, Jethro.''

This time the glare was directed at the woman calmly sitting across him. ''I'm neither, Diane.''

''Then prove it! Show him you love him, beg for forgiveness, do everything you can because you will lose him! Ad you will end up alone or with a barrel of your gun pointing at your mouth.'' Diane snapped.

''Great way of sugarcoating.'' Gibbs mumbled.

''You know I don't do that. I say it the way I see it.''

''Can I ask you something? Hypothetically, if I told you we've been married for two years after one drunken night, and bear in mind I just recently remembered, but knew it before I lost my memories, what would you say?'' 

''I would've killed you.'' Diane answered after a long shocked moment, and saw Gibbs' shoulders sunk. She quickly calculated the time and took his hand in hers. ''Oh, Jethro. You've know it for a year and you didn't tell him? Why, for heaven’s sake?''

''At first, I didn't remember, then found the document in the wallet and I guess...I was scared. The days went by, turned into months. Then I lost my memories. God, I made a mess. He will never forgive me. I tried to tell him last night but...'' He sighed then told her about what happened with Tony's apartment.

''So, you think Senior is behind it too?'' Diane asked, frowning.

''Who else? It is a strange coincidence that he showed up now after more than twenty years, just after Tony got the money. And you do know what I think about coincidences.'' Before Diane could answer, Gibbs' phone rang and after a few grunts, he sighed. ''Look, I've got to go. IA is waiting for me.''

''Fine. But you need to tell him. Soon.''

/

The IA meeting was brief. He told them what he knew, then asked what will happen to the trio culprits. Hearing that Abby will be suspended because of her tampering with the evidence, and both McGee and Ziva criminally charged for the conspiracy of murder of a federal agent and add to that all the in subornation charges against them, Gibbs was drained when he flopped down into the seat across Vance, who looked at him in sympathy.

''Do I need to ask?''

''Where did I go wrong?'' Gibbs sighed. ''The chain of command is that simple. You just need to follow it. Why...'' The rest was unsaid, but Vance knew what Gibbs was asking.

''I don't know, Jethro. I wish I have all the answers, but... It's no one's fault, but theirs. You taught them well over the years, Tony tried, but they are simply too self absorbed. Ziva David never should've stayed in NCIS, but that was Jenny's mistake, not yours.'' Vance said, then thanked Cynthia who brought coffee. ''How did last night go?''

''You are the second person who asked me that today.'' Gibbs sighed again.

''Oh? Who was the first?''

''Diane.'' Gibbs answered, then seeing a raised eyebrow, told Vance about his conversation with his ex wife.

''She is right. The more you wait, the angrier he will get.''

''Excuse me. Agent Gibbs, there is a young lady who is asking for you.'' Cynthia said, as she re-entered the office.

Gibbs looked at Vance who waved his hand, signaling he was free to go. Gibbs observed the young female as he walked down the stairs, not recognizing her. But then she dropped the bomb. Maddie Tyler, his dead daughter's best friend. Plagued with memories of Maddie and Kelly playing together, he agreed to help her with her plea.

He didn't know that working alone, without any back-up, would cost him his own heart.

/

Tobias slowly woke up after having a strange dream. He was sitting on the beach, and there was someone next to him. Someone he knew a long time ago. Someone he loved? He tried to remember more, certain it was a memory of sorts, but the details evaded him. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him he had to remember, but try as he could, all he got was a headache. Sighing, he let it go, hoping it would come to him. Eventually.

Looking at the young man sleeping against him, he smiled. Tony looked so young, so innocent. A couple of minutes later he felt the young man stirring in his sleep, then emerald green eyes locked with his own. Just woken up, Tony's eyes were full of emotions, not guarded, and Tobias was able to read every one of them. Confusion, peace, then a rising panic.

''Don't worry, I'd be more than honored if you continue calling me 'dad'.'' Tobias said as if it was natural. Strangely, for him, it was.

Tony stilled, then searched Tobias' eyes, after finding nothing but acceptance and love, he relaxed. 

''I wonder what Gibbs would say seeing us like this. Think he would be jealous?'' Tobias smirked, wanting the awkward tension to disappear.

''I think he knows I'm safe with you. I am, right? You're not going through some midlife sexual crisis, are you?'' Tony smirked back, wiggling his eyebrows, causing the older man to scoff at him.

''You know, I don't know if all those head-slaps caused you brain damage or you need one right now. Can't decide which.'' Hearing Tony's laughter was the best sound he heard ever. ''Come, 'old bones', shower and breakfast. Then work.'' 

/

''Pheew! I'm finally done.'' Tony said putting the file he was reviewing on the pile that he already finished. ''You should hire someone to do this, you know?''

''I don't see why. I have you.'' Tobias replied, with all seriousness he could muster.

''You do realize, I don't work here, right? What would your Director say?''

''Oh, he knows and he is fine with it. I think he is hoping you'll join the FBI and do our paperwork for us.'' Seeing Tony's shocked face, Tobias finally cracked and burst out laughing.

''Really, don't quit this job and join the comedians.'' Tony scoffed.

''No, I'm serious. He knows. Don't worry about it.''

''Okaaaay.'' Tony drawled, still not convinced. ''Well, I better go and do the work I'm actually paid for. You coming to the Navy Yard later?''

''Yup. I have a lunch date with Leon and Ducky.''

''The three stooges.'' Tony commented as he opened the door, then laughed when a paper ball hit his head.

''Watch it, boy. I can still put you over my knee and spank you.'' Tobias called after him.

Since Tony already exited Tobias' office, everyone who were close by, heard that and started laughing. Recovering from the shock, Tony blew Tobias a raspberry, then fled away, laughter following all the way. He was sure that the gossip would reach the Navy Yard before he got there.

He was happy, humming the tune while driving, remembering. When he woke up he was scared what would Tobias think after he called him dad, but his reaction almost brought tears to his eyes. The older man quickly dismissed his fears and Tony felt elevated. In a short time, Tobias became his father. His dad. After breakfast they decided to go with two cars and Tony longingly looked at the Hummer. Tobias chuckled seeing it and promised he will drive the car again. When he arrived to the Hoover building, he was greeted with welcome. Finishing with the small talk with a couple of FBI Agents, he and Tobias started the remains of the paperwork.

Entering his own bullpen, he was greeted with friendly smirks, and he groaned. Waiting for his computer to power up, he looked at the three empty desks and felt sadness and a tiny bit of anger. He noticed Gibbs was here, judging by the empty coffee cups in the trash, but the man was not there. He was puzzled when he felt his gut churning, but before he could do anything, Vance called. The two IA Agents were waiting for him. The meeting was exhausting, and when he was done, he was drained. Thankfully, Vance backed him all the way. He didn't ask what would happen with the trio because, frankly, he didn't want to know. Afterwards, he returned back to his desk and tried to do the paperwork, but his eyes kept drifting towards Gibbs'. His gut was churning more than before. 

''Hey! Has anyone seen Gibbs?'' He asked, raising his voice so he could be heard all over the bullpen.

''He got a visit and they left in a hurry. A couple of hours ago.'' One of the Agents answered.

Tony frowned at that. Deciding to go with his gut, he took his badge and gun from the drawer, after he located Gibbs' phone near the docks, then rushed toward the elevator, hoping Gibbs was fine. He used Gibbs' way of driving and reached the abandoned warehouse in half the time. Looking around, and seeing no one, but in the same time feeling unease, he was just about to enter, when his phone rang.

''Tony, those cameras came through. We caught the men who set your place on fire.'' Balboa spoke on the other line.

''Never mind them. They can wait.'' Tony whispered which immediately alerted Balboa.

''Where are you and what's wrong?

''Following my gut. If you don't hear from me in ten minutes, track me down. Gotta go!''

What happened next was like something from his favorite action movies. Equally fast and in slow motion. He saw Gibbs in the car trying to get away from the bad guys. Bullets were flying as he engaged in the shooting. His heart literally stopped when he saw the car falling into the water.

/

He was running. Running to, once again, save his boss, his lover, his reason to live, from a certain death. His gun was empty but it didn't matter. The bad guys were dead, now he only had to think of Gibbs and that young girl who were in the water. The image of a car driving backwards and eventually diving into the water was the image Tony will have forever imprinted in his mind. Alongside with the others. For the last ten years he couldn't recall any happy thought. His mind and heart were floored with everything bad that happened. Kate's death being the first one.

Seeing how the car went under, he didn't pause to think. He ran toward it and jumped into the freezing water. It stole his breath away, but he kept going, fighting the panic when he saw nothing but darkness. Then he spotted the car and saw Gibbs trying to break free and how the car was already full with water. He also noticed that the girl was unconscious. With the strength he didn't even realized he possessed, he broke the windshield with his fists and threw it away. Gibbs pushed Maddie out first and Tony grabbed her then swam up, toward the surface. Placing the, still unconscious, body on the firm ground, he took another deep breath, fighting the nausea and jumped into the freezing water again. His lungs felt like they were burning and he fought not to cough, trying to keep his mouth shut. He had to save him. No matter what. He could see Gibbs trapped under the wheel and he used his last amount of strength to free him. When he was successful, he noticed Gibbs was unconscious as well. Almost dead. Grabbing the lifeless body underneath the arms, he swam up and soon they were both on the surface. He barely pulled them both onto the pier, his body weighted a ton, at least he felt it like that. Tony checked the pulse and founding none, started doing CPR on Gibbs, praying he woke up.

''Wake up, Gibbs! Wake up! Fight, damnit!'' He rasped. ''Don't make me kiss you!'' He added halfheartedly, but wanting nothing more than to make his treat real. ''Please, Gibbs?'' He begged through the tears. ''Don't do this! Fight! Fight for me! For us! Please?''

He loved him. Loved with all his heart. He couldn't imagine his life without Gibbs in it. Stiffing back the cough that threatened, he breathed into Gibbs' mouth, and once again checked the pulse. Looking at the second body, he crawled toward, and did the CPR on her too, every once and a while throwing a glance toward his boss, his lover.

Hearing a gasp from the girl, he lifted her up until she coughed the remains of water, and when he was certain she would be okay, returned back to Gibbs, praying as he breathed air into his mouth. Tony was slowly losing hope and his eyes filled with tears when Gibbs finally responded and coughed, water coming out of his mouth as he breathed in so much needed air into his lungs. Tony wanted nothing more than to kiss the older man, but knew it wasn't the time or the place. He was just so happy Gibbs was alive, but when the man in question blinked and opened his eyes, Tony barely stiffened the gasp and his smile fell in instant.

Tony always said he could read Gibbs better than anyone and he was right. Only, in that moment, he wished it wasn't true. Because, looking at the blue eyes, that were currently a bit glossy and confused, all he could read was sorrow and disappointment. Gibbs didn't want to be saved. He wanted to die. And that look broke Tony's heart completely.

All his dreams, all his hopes were crushed in that moment.

Tears mingled with the rain that started to fall.

But Tony felt nothing.

/

''Tony!'' Balboa yelled at the phone, but the connection was cut off. He immediately tried to call Tony back, then growled since the phone was shut off.

''Boss?'' Joana Hendring asked. ''What is going on?''

''Track Tony's phone.'' Balboa ordered and after a moment he had the information. It took a minute for him to decide what to do. Even though Tony asked to wait for ten minutes, Balboa had a feeling those minutes would be crucial. ''Let's go.''

In the car, he informed his team of what he knew, which wasn't much, and they rushed toward the docks, praying everything was okay. Forty minutes later, they entered the warehouse, noticing two men lying on the ground. After confirming their demise, one shot through the heart, which Balboa instantly knew it was Tony's, he looked around for his friend. A couple of moments later, he located him and ran onto the pier. He breathed a sigh of relief seeing a drenched Gibbs and a young lady, who were lying on the ground, both alive, and Tony sitting in between. He could hear the ambulance sirens in the distance, and he looked up the sky, thankful. However, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Checking the young lady and Gibbs, confirming that they were both okay, even though they were breathing heavily, he looked at Tony, and gasped. Tony was shivering, his face was pale, but what shook Balboa to the core, were Tony's eyes. There was nothing in them. There was only one word that could describe Tony in that moment.

Broken.

/

Everything happened in a rush afterwards. Balboa and his team were processing the crime scene, while the ambulance took Gibbs and Maddie to the Bethesta Hospital. Unknown to Balboa, Tony said he was fine and that he didn't need to go.

Tony didn't know how he managed to drive himself back to the Navy Yard. Wasn't even aware of entering his car, driving, walking upstairs, throwing wet clothes off himself, or entering the shower. Everything he did was robotic.

The only thing he saw was that look.

The look that asked him why.

Why he saved him. 

That look told him everything. He wasn't enough. 

He would never be enough. 

Turning the knob to a scalding hot water, so hot it actually burned his skin, not that he felt anything, Tony broke down in a heart full sob. When he was out of tears he got out of the shower. His whole body hurt. He had trouble breathing and couldn't stop coughing. Black spots danced around him as he stumbled into the locker room where he kept his inhaler, but a sudden coughing fit that shook his whole body, pushed him onto his knees. He was trembling violently, coughing and desperately gasping for breath.

As he welcomed the blackness that surrounded him, he didn't saw one of the Agents entering the locker room, or hear the frantic yell for help. 

He just let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short one, but I couldn't fit everything. Also, I love evil cliffhangers! Hope you like it, and please review. See you soon.


	9. chapter 9 - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I wanna say how sorry I am for not updating for a long, long time. Real life kept interrupting and with a writer’s block and the computer crash, I was only able to read fanfiction on my phone. Anyway, here is part one of the chapter 9, since I had to cut it in half, or in three parts… we’ll see. I hope you will like this chapter and that I haven’t lost you due to me being MIA. Also, a bit of warning. Senior is a little bit crazy, but it was needed.
> 
> The first five chapters are edited, so now, you can see what is a flashback.

Tobias Fornell silently hummed as he waited the elevator reach the third floor that would bring him to the bullpen of the Navy Yard building. He chuckled when he realized he felt like coming home. Work and Emily, and now Diane too, were his life. No, he was wrong, Tony DiNozzo was also a part of his life, and he wouldn't want it any other way. He liked coming here, much as he liked the Hoover Building, where the FBI was located. He loved seeing Tony at his best, but he also loved ruffling Gibbs' feathers. The friendship he developed with Ducky and Leon was another good factor in his life. It started as a joined mission to watch over Tony, but soon, all three of them became good friends.  
His smile dimmed a bit when he saw neither Tony nor Gibbs, but then he simply shrugged his shoulders thinking he'll see them later. He didn't know how wrong he was. Entering the Director's office, he smiled seeing Ducky already there.

/

Christian O'Brien took the stairs as he walked from the gym to the locker rooms. He needed to get back into the shape after almost dying from the bullet that caught him three weeks prior. His fiancé, Sarah Richardson, who also worked as an NCIS Agent, was devastated, but after the surgery, he came through. He came back to work after weeks of recuperation, but on a desk duty, for now. That is why he was in the gym. He needed to pass the physical that was due in a couple of days. His parents weren't happy of him choosing this job, but he felt fulfilled. He loved helping people, solving crimes, finding justice for them. It was his calling. His parents decided they would stay a bit longer in D.C., postponing their trip back to Ireland after the wedding that was due in two weeks. The small house he was sharing with Sarah was full, but he was happy. 

Entering the locker room, he frowned hearing someone coughing and wheezing. Rushing to the source, he gasped in shock seeing Tony DiNozzo, lying on the floor, naked and wet, gasping for breath. Yelling Tony's name as he kneeled next to him, he quickly dialed Autopsy, but Palmer told him Ducky was with the Director. He told Palmer to bring Ducky's medical bag, then called Sarah, not finding the doctor's number in his cellphone. He couldn't believe what was happening. Tony was his friend, it just wasn't fair. Sarah told him what was going on while he was home recuperating, and he prayed everything would be better.

Sarah Richardson palled when she heard frantic voice of her fiancé telling her to find Ducky and bring him to the locker room and that Tony was barely breathing. Running up the stairs, knowing Ducky was with the Director and Fornell, she passed Cynthia, who stood up in confusion and worry, then barged into the office without knocking.

''I'm sorry for barging in like this, but Ducky is needed. Hurry! Tony...he...he can't breathe!'' Sarah explained in a rush, and then all five of them ran downstairs. 

When Tobias saw Tony unconscious, his eyes filled with tears, and his heart with dread. Palmer and Christian were there, trying to help, but they moved when Ducky came. 

''What the hell happened?'' Leon Vance asked.

''I don't know, Sir.'' Christian answered. ''When I came here to take a shower, Tony was on the floor, gasping for air and coughing. I called Palmer and Sarah, since I somehow don't have Ducky's number, then the Ambulance. They should be here in a moment.''

Tobias kneeled on the other side of Tony and pleaded. ''Breathe, Tonio. Please son, breathe. Don't do this to me.'' There was a small movement as Tony tried to open his eyes again, alarming everyone but Ducky with his shallow breathing. ''Yes, Tonio...son, keep fighting. Please?''

The next half an hour were the hardest for Tobias. He watched helplessly and in agony, as his 'surrogate' son was carried to the Ambulance. He and Ducky went with them. He barely heard Leon telling that he will get to the bottom of this. Ducky called Brad Pitt, the doctor, and told him they were on the way. Tony was hooked on various machines and when the sound of the heart monitor went off, he couldn't hold the tears.

''He is crashing! Get the paddles...charge to 200...clear...''

Both Ducky and Tobias watched in horror, holding their breath when Tony's body shook as the electricity surged through him, but there was no change. The monitor was still frantically beeping.

''Charge to 300... clear...'' 

Everyone let out a relief gasp of air when the beeping stopped and the slow rhythm of Tony's heart was heard. It was like music to their ears. They arrived at the Bethesta Hospital, Dr. Pitt already waiting for them. Ducky went with them into the OR where they rushed Tony, leaving Tobias alone in the waiting room. Not wanting to be alone, he called Diane, barely holding the tears.

/

Diane was having a nice day. Not needed at work, she decided to take a lunch with her friends then went shopping when her phone rang. Smiling when she saw it was Tobias, she answered with a happy hello. But her smile dropped in an instant hearing he was in a hospital with Tony. Assuring him she will be right there, she drove toward school first, knowing Emily would throw a fit if she wasn't there for her 'big brother'. When they finally found Tobias in a waiting room, Emily threw herself in her father's arms.

''Daddy! What happen to Tonio? Is he okay?'' 

''I don't know, honey. I'm waiting for news too. Ducky is with him right now and he promised he will let me know as soon as possible.''

''But, what happened?'' Diane asked, sitting next to him and Emily.

''I don't know. He was fine this morning, even helped me with paperwork. Afterwards, he went to work. I went to my meeting there with Leon and Ducky, and then one of the Agents came and told us he was in the locker room and to hurry. When we arrived there, he was unconscious and wasn't breathing. He...'' At this point, Tobias' voice cracked, then looked at Diane with tears in his eyes. ''...He...he crashed in the ambulance van.''

''No! You mean he died? No! He can't be! I want my brother! Tonio has to be okay!'' Emily cried.

It took some time for both of them to calm the crying girl. Diane decided to go and grab some coffee for Tobias and herself, and juice for Emily. She was just returning back with the beverages when she heard an unmistakable growl of her ex-husband, arguing with the doctor.

''Jethro? What are you doing here? ''

''Diane?'' Gibbs asked in surprise, turning around.

''Yes. It's me. Now, answer the question.''

''Well, I was just telling this doctor that I'm fine and don't need to stay overnight.'' At her raised eyebrow, he sighed. ''A girl, Kelly's friend, came to me asking for help. Things got a bit complicated and we ended up driving away from the shooting and landed in Potomac. Luckily for us, Tony was there, not that I have any idea how, and saved our lives. Maddie is going to stay overnight, but I am not.'' The last part was said with a glare toward the doctor, who raised his hands in surrender.

''Fine. Here.'' The doctor said and gave the papers to Gibbs, who smiled in triumph.

"So, what are you doing here? Did something happen?” Gibbs asked after the doctor left.

“Jethro, it’s Tony. And it is quite serious.” Diane sighed, then told him what she knew.

He palled in instant, his knees going weak. It wasn’t long until they arrived where Tobias and Emily still sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room. Seeing her ‘Uncle Gibbs’, Emily rushed and threw herself into his embrace. Tobias raised an eyebrow, silently asking how he arrived to the hospital so quickly. When Gibbs told them what happened only a few hours earlier, Tobias barely held himself together, his fists clenched by his side. Anger radiated through him in waves, and it took every ounce of his strength not to hit the silver-haired man who was sitting across him. It was his baby girl; the thought she would see him losing control, that stopped him from any rash actions toward his former best friend.

The atmosphere in the room was uncomfortable, to say the least. Gibbs tried to talk to Tobias, but was met with a glare that, quite frankly, scared him. So, he wisely decided to wait in silence for the news. But his mind kept thinking of all possibilities that could happen. Guilt and fear plagued him. He just couldn’t lose Tony. Not now when they were on a road of reconciliation. He could feel Tobias’ eyes on him every once and awhile, but refused to make an eye contact. Diane rolled her eyes at the two stubborn men, but said nothing. 

/

Tobias was glaring at Gibbs, his lips forming a thin line on his face, when they heard a sound of heavy, yet loud and rushed footsteps coming their way. Gibbs sighed, recognizing Abby's platforms a mile away. Soon, a vision in black collided with him, arms wrapping around his waist.

''Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! You are okay! I'm so happy you're okay! Don't you dare scare me like that ever again! You hear me, Mister?''

''Abbs. Easy. Yes, I'm fine, but...''

''Don't you Abbs me! When I heard you nearly drowned, I almost had a heart attack! And why did you even went anywhere without a backup? You always say 'you should always have a backup'. Luckily for you, Tony was there to save you!''

''Your concern for Tony is very touching.'' Tobias couldn't help but snort in disgust.

''Why should I be worried for Tony? Tony is fine. He is our invincible hero.'' Abby said, waving her hand, then narrowed her eyes at the FBI Agent. ''And what are you doing here? We are the ones who are constantly here when ever Tony gets hurt. Ooooh, Gibbs, Gibbs! You have to do something! Timmy and Ziva... They are going to jail! They can't go there! Can you do something? Please? Our family will be broken if you don’t!''

Gibbs couldn't believe what he was hearing. He took a step back from the woman who just managed to disappoint him so much; he didn't know what to say. It was as if he was seeing her for the first time. How could she be more worried for McGee and David ending in jail, where they belong, rather than Tony, his sweet, loyal Tony, who was fighting for his life, because of him? But before he could say anything, Tobias stood from his seat and in a few steps was in front of Abby, then spoke snidely.

''For your information, you little spoiled brat; I'm here because I belong. Because ever since your precious Gibbs went to his little siesta in Mexico, leaving Tony with you guys, a bunch of ungrateful backstabbers, I have been asked by Tony himself to be his next of kin and power of attorney. So, the ones who has no right what so ever to be here are you and Gibbs, since he is the one who is responsible for Tony being here, fighting for his life right now! And how can you even dare asking a favor for those two? Have you no shame?''

By the end of his speech, Tobias was shaking with anger. It was all too much. Witnessing his 'son' on the floor, gasping for breath...watching him die in the ambulance van...learning what actually happened to Tony to end up here... and now this, hearing what he just heard... He couldn't help but lash out.

''How dare you?'' Abby screamed at Tobias, then turned back to Gibbs. ''Are you going to do or say something? Tell him he can't talk to me like that.''

''Abby, he is right in everything. Tony is...he is here because of me. This is all on me. And, about those two, even if I could do something, which I can't, I wouldn't. They broke the fundament law; they left him without a backup deliberately. Abby, he was searching for a terrorist. What if he had found him? What if he had been hurt? Ziva committed treason. No, Abby. Tony is my life, my husband, the one I love. And for the first time, I'm going to put him first. Above anything and everyone.''

''I sure hope you'll keep that promise, Agent Gibbs.'' A harsh tone spoke from the entrance, and they all looked at the newcomer. ''Miss Sciuto, you left before the IA said their part. As of this moment, you are on suspension of six months, and then we will see if there will be a new contract or not. I would like you to go back to the Navy Yard and collect your personal belongings and leave your ID on the way out. You are also forbidden to see or talk to ex Agents David and McGee, until the hearing. And that is an order.'' Leon Vance said, adding the last part, as he saw her looking at Gibbs. ''You've made your bed. Agent Gibbs is in no position of helping you or the other two. If you do try to make contact to them, I will personally make sure you end in jail as well for obstructing justice. Do I make myself clear?''

''Yes, Sir.'' Abby whispered, lowering her head in shame.

He came to the hospital as soon as he talked to Balboa, who was visibly shaken hearing the news about Tony. He left the Agent to finish the case and to interrogate the men that broke into Tony's apartment and set it on fire, promising he will let them know how their friend is as soon as he hears about Tony's condition.

/

Arguing among themselves, no one noticed Ducky and Brad entering, until Ducky cleared his throat, looking at them disapprovingly.

''This is a hospital.'' Brad spoke. ''I would like you to act accordingly. If you want to fight, go outside.''

''Ducky, Brad. How is Tony?'' Gibbs asked before anyone else could.

''He has a serious chest infection. His both lungs are not strong enough to fight the fever that is dangerously high. He has pneumonia, a day or two old. We tried to intubate but he crashed two times on the table and once while coming here. I had no other choice but put him in a coma. The next 48 to 72 hours are critical. Right now, he is not breathing on his own. The ventilator is keeping him alive, and we are trying to keep the temperature down. He will be on our constant watch, he could go either way.''

A dead silence fell as they listened Brad. Gibbs paled and swayed on his feet. He couldn't understand how this could be happening. Tobias had tears in his eyes and Emily was clutching Diane and crying. Abby was, surprisingly, silently sitting, tears falling down her face. The realization suddenly hit her. She had lost Gibbs' respect and love. Tony could actually die. Her family fell apart and it was partially her fault. If she had only reported Tim and Ziva that day...but she had been seduced by their sweet-talk and didn't want for them to be fired. If she had only been there for Tony, instead of ... It was too late now...she was a horrible person.

''Agent Fornell, I need you to sign some papers.'' Brad said, looking at the man.

''Sure. I know the drill. Can I see him?''

''Of course. Fife minutes maximum for each one who wants to do so.'' Brad instructed, then a small smirk graced his face. ''Gibbs, I assume you''ll be staying, as always.''

''Do you even need to ask?''

''Daddy? Can I see him too?'' Emily asked, but it was Brad who answered.

''I'd rather you not, sweetheart. There are a lot of vires and machines around him and it's not a pretty sight. But, as soon as he is a bit better, you'll be allowed to be near him as long as you want. Okay?''

''Okay.'' Emily sighed, disappointedly.

She watched as Brad, Tobias, Gibbs and Leon left, wishing she too could go and see her 'big brother', but knowing Brad was right. Diane took her hand and they sat next to Ducky and Abby. They were all silent for a few minutes, when she looked at the silent Goth. 

''Why are you so mean to Tony?''

''What?'' Abby asked, appalled by the question.

''I may be little and young, but I also have eyes and ears. I have heard him cry when he thought no one was there. Did you even know how often he was staying at our place? That he recently moved with Daddy and me? You claim you are his friend. How come you didn't notice his smile is fake, the pain in his eyes, and the hurt in his voice? My Daddy said Tony is the best investigator in the world, yet I've heard what you and those two did and said to him. Whenever Daddy came home after visiting Tony, when Uncle Gibbs was away, he was so angry at you, saying how you didn't appreciated him and a lot of other things. So, if you are really his friend, why would you do that?''

Abby cried. ''I am his friend. I love him like a brother. I...I didn't even realize... God, I'm so, so sorry...'' The guilt and the hurt were too much and she abruptly stood and left.

''You are one very astute young lady, Emily.'' Ducky spoke with a sad smile, his eyes at the door where Abby just went through.

''She got that from her father.'' Diane smirked.

She was silent from the moment she came with Jethro, watching what went on. Sure, she knew how Tobias felt about Tony, she liked him too, and she felt so much pride seeing him fighting for the young man. She supposed it was a parental thing. Tobias saw Tony as his son.

/

Three days after he almost died, and his Tony ended in a coma, Gibbs found himself sitting behind his desk, his computer on. He tried to write his report, but for the first time, words didn't came. No, Tony's lifeless body, hooked on the ventilator and a bunch of other machines that kept him alive was all he was seeing. He didn't saw glares from basically everyone in the Navy Yard, but he sure felt them. In one day he lost everyone’s respect, and he knew it was his own doing. It hurt, but no one could see it on his face. For the first time in his life, he asked himself what the hell he was still doing here. He felt old, and alone. 

''Agent Gibbs. What are you doing here?'' Leon Vance's voice brought him back to present.

''Report, Leon.'' Gibbs answered absently, dismissing the man who stood in front of his desk.

Leon Vance felt a surge of anger toward the older man. The man he considered his friend. Narrowing his eyes he spoke in a hard tone. ''Good. Make sure you add the fact how your selfish and reckless behavior endangered, not only your life, but one of a civilian and another Agent as well. Furthermore, you are on a suspension for two months. When you come back, there will be files on your desk and among those, you'll choose three for your new team.''

''Now, wait just a moment, Leon...'' Gibbs stood up in anger, but Vance cut him off, raising his voice that made everyone that happen to be in the bullpen, stopped with what they were doing. 

''That is Director Vance for you, Agent Gibbs. As I was saying, your behavior on this case that isn't even ours, I might add, has been irresponsible and reckless. But what's most important, completely in breach of protocol. Agents have been fired for less. You yourself have fired them, or am I mistaken? This suspension of two months is the less amount of time you'll get, or do you want more? The only reason you're not fired this very moment is your long service for this Agency and our country. But, let me assure you. One more stunt like this, there will be no more second chance. You're walking on a thin line here. You're also aware there will be a formal reprimand in your file, but I know that means nothing to you. Now, hand me your badge and gun.''

Gibbs knew he was going to get a dressing down. And he knew he deserved it. However, he didn't anticipate it would be in front of every Agent that worked here. Without a word, he took the items from the drawer and handed them to Vance, who looked at the whole bullpen. 

''Let this be a lesson for all of you. No one who wants to work here is allowed to go out without a proper backup. No one.'' With those words, the Director turned and walked upstairs toward his office, hiding a pleased smile on his face from the bullpen. 

It felt good giving a dress down to 'Almighty' Special Agent Gibbs Second-B-for-Bastard, and in one way he felt he owed it to Tony. Now, if only the young man would wake up from coma, everything would be okay.

/

Anthony DiNozzo Senior sat on the sofa, twirling ice in the glass he was holding, deep in thought. He just got a call that his bastard son was in a critical condition in Bethesta. He had finally calmed down after learning that the attempt on Tony was not successful. Not only that, the two men he hired were currently in a NCIS holding cell. Really, how hard was to eliminate someone? The little shit was a pain in his perfect life from the moment he was born. He tried to kill both him and his whore of a mother so many times he lost count. Well, until that night when he had finally killed her. It served her right. She had asked for it. Instead of having an heir, he got a bastard son, and had to pretend to be the boy's father. Oh, he knew Tony wasn't his. It was because the whore got pregnant, and he needed the money, he agreed to the wedding. Sure, Elizabeth was a beauty, but her fortune was more appealing. Little did he know he would only get half. When he found out, she already gave birth. Her family made it look like they were engaged before they first met, that it was a love union, and the little bastard was born when they were married only for six months. Even so, he had to pay for a false birth certificate, claiming Tony was born two and a half months later than the original, which was lost at the same time.

He loved hearing her cries when he beat her and forced himself on her wanting a child of his own, but she never got pregnant again. He blamed her. Then he got a call from a lawyer. He only got half of the huge fortune. But not even that half in a one go. No, he got a monthly amount. Only in a case of her death he would have everything. It angered him so much he nearly killed her when he got home. From that day he plotted and planned her death. It was his favorite pastime.

When they went to Jersey, he thought it was the perfect time to get rid of both of them, but those fools messed up. There were a few other times, like leaving a twelve year old Tony in Maui alone. That too didn't work. Instead of leaving the room and explore the city, like any normal kid would do, Tony stayed in the room, ordering food. He billed the room so much, the hotel manager had to call him to pay. On top of everything he also had to pay the man he hired to kidnap the little bastard and sell him. But since Tony never left the room, he paid for nothing. When they got home, he beet Tony so hard he ended up in a hospital for weeks. He thought he would die, just like his mother, but he pulled through. Not wanting to even look at the boy, he sent him to a Military school, disowning him a well.

But, even then, he kept tabs on him, in a sick, almost obsessive way. After Tony finished school, with a broken knee, Senior had a moment of insanity, at least he called it that, and told Tony he will work for him, or else. Not only did the 'Satan's spawn' declined, he told him he already applied to a Police Academy. Senior snorted in disgust. His parents were probably rolling in their graves. A DiNozzo - a cop. DiNozzo's were always been conman’s.

Tony probably didn't even realize who was behind that shooting in Philadelphia. Senior thought that it was it. The day his bastard son will die. But alas. Tony recuperated. Or when he spread rumors Tony was gay. Tony ended in a hospital half broken. But even then he got better. His bastard son was definitively a 'Satan's child'. No one has that much luck. Oh, he knew very well who Tony’s real father is, and that they were so close, not knowing of their connection. He laughed for weeks hearing Tony got arrested for murder, not once, but three times.

Senior thought he would stir some trouble here at the NCIS too, but that Gibbs person was the only one who didn't bought it. Like he knew something, and didn't leave him alone for a moment. He even said he should be proud of his son. That he is the best Agent he ever worked with. Ha! What a laugh! Tony was nothing and he will end up in a gutter, if that's the last thing he does. Thinking that maybe Tony and Ziva had a thing, he seduced her and slept with her, but when he asked, she told him there was nothing between them. Oh, well, at least she was a good lay. 

But now, it seemed fate brought him a perfect opportunity. Tony was helpless and wouldn't even know. Yes, that was a shame. He wanted to see fear in Tony's eyes when he kills him. Because, this time, he will do it himself. Wasn’t there a saying¬? When you want something done, do it yourself. Well, he wants that money. It belongs to him. He had married that whore and claimed Tony as his own son. Gave him his own name, Anthony. He crashed half of the house in rage when he accidentally found a contract Elizabeth made some time after Tony's birth. Giving the bastard millions...millions he didn't know even existed. There was no way in hell the little shit would get that money. It belonged to him and him alone.

With a new determination and a plan, Senior smiled evilly. Today was the day he will finally get rid of Tony. Once and for all.

/

At first, everything was going perfectly. He was actually surprised how no one questioned his presence in the hospital. But, then again, he had charm and knew how to act to belong somewhere. He left a young nurse giggling after she told him everything about Tony. It was plain to see she was awed. A plague survivor, almost pulling out from this. She told him that after five days, Tony was showing signs of making it through, but he was still on the ventilator and hadn't woken up. The not waking up somehow troubled the doctors though.

When he found the room, he watched and waited patiently for everyone to leave. And here was where his luck changed. The little shit was never alone. After standing in hiding for almost four hours, he gave up, hitting the wall in anger. He located the young nurse he talked with earlier and casually mentioned how popular Tony seemed to be.

''Oh, yeah.'' Nurse Rebecca smiled. ''Agent DiNozzo is never alone in his room. It's actually sweet, don't you think? Agent Gibbs has always been here whenever Tony was injured. We have a cot just for Agent Gibbs. It is a known fact he never leaves Tony. And now we know why.'' She finished with a giggle.

''And why is that, if I may ask?'' Senior asked.

Nurse Rebecca looked around, then leaned toward Senior, lowering her voice. ''Everyone who works here thought that there was something going on between them. They were always so close, you know? And, like I said, Agent Gibbs never leaves Agent DiNozzo alone. It appears we were right. Not only they are together, they are married!''

He almost threw up hearing the news. Luckily, Rebecca had to go, leaving him alone with thoughts that twirled in his mind. That's why Gibbs was so protective... His anger and disgust doubled. His bastard son was gay. Not even a real man. 

Walking toward the exit, he almost missed it, but his hearing was excellent.

''Come on, Jethro.'' A gray, older man, said to Gibbs, leaving the hospital. ''You need to go home, take a shower and eat. And sleep, at least for a few hours. That's an order. Tobias will be here shortly, with Emily.''

''Fine, Ducky.'' Gibbs grumbled.

Senior smiled. This was his chance. Making sure no one could see him, he rushed back upstairs where Tony was laying. He peeked inside; to be sure he was alone, then entered. Standing next to bed, he looked at the helpless man with hatred in his eyes. 

''I'm going to enjoy doing this so much, bastardo. The only downside in this is, you'll never know it was me.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ducking away from any flying objects and laughing maniacally*  
> I had to cut what I wrote in half, or, more likely, in three parts. We’ll see. Senior wanted in and I had to write some of Tony’s past. He is, like I’ve mentioned in the A/N above, a bit crazy, but I needed an evil character. You now also know the name of Tony’s mother; Elizabeth. I have, also, gave you enough clues of the identity of Tony’s real father. I believe it is no secret by now.

**Author's Note:**

> The crossover parts won't be in the picture until chapter eight I think. First the Hawaii Five-O, then the NCIS LA. There will be more hurt and angry Tony though, his sufferings aren't over yet. I will return to the parts with Tony/Emily and Tony as Agent Afloat as flashbacks. One other thing that is different from the serie is that Leon Vance was in D.C. longer and he knows everything. He was aware he would replace Jenny as a Director and he and Fornell are good friends. Hope you don't mind.


End file.
